The National Youth Service Corps has announced today that prospective corps members can now print out Call-Up letters via the online portal.

Usually, for most people this is troubling news. It’s Tuesday and if you are in the first stream, you’ll need to pack up and go wherever you’ve been posted to by Thursday, the 24th. Such is the manner in which the youth corps initiates its scouts into the cult of preparedness.

If you fall into the category we’ve referred to as ‘most’, there is a possibility you’ve got your posting -somewhere between Ebonyi State and another state -that is not your first or second choice. Maybe not even your third. If you’re lucky, it’s one of the relatively safe states in Nigeria right now. But of course, that hasn’t stopped you complaining about how much you hate the system or the calculations still troubling your mind about the percentage you’ll need to give the corrupt official willing to let you serve in absentia.

You may also have been sweating the smaller stuff – socks, how many white t-shirts to take to camp, to pack a mosquito net or not, or what colour of passport background. All very important and it will be wise to seek counsel as these things change from year to year and camp to camp.

What we really came here for is the bigger stuff -everything you really need in camp. Not to say that your toothbrush (es), food flasks, touch lights and essential camp clothing are not important. It’s just that we’ve seen enough NYSC rush seasons to know you are likely to forget some of these things. So here goes:

Please don’t forget your humility

See, on NYSC camp, the first thing that will mess you up is trying to stand out in a way that might be perceived as feeling superior -to anybody, especially the authorities. It’s their time to be commanders, and it will do you a lot of good to allow them be just that.

Yes, you’re a medical doctor and you are going to have to serve with kids who gained their four-year admission when you were in year five. You’re nobody’s mate, we know.

In fact, you’ve travelled 16 countries; in 2016 alone. Right after your Msc you obtained from the North Pole.

Welcome, the only problem is that the soldiers you are about to meet, who’ll be your custodians for the next three weeks and from whom one will be your Lord Commander -to ONLY be obeyed -these soldiers, they smell privilege and there’s a high chance in our experience) that they have sworn an oath to deny you every single one of your privileges. Best learn to jog along with your suitcase (s) in tow and fannypacks secured around your waist. Don’t pay heed to all the style tips that have conditioned you to favour man purses/side bags over fanny packs. They too have seen the tips and they are very opposed to seeing you slay.

Oh and if there’s anytime to embrace your own skin, it’s these coming three weeks. Love your skin. If need be, promise yourself you’ll never see these people again. Anyhow you choose to deal with this, the point is to minimize the use of makeup. ‘Or what do you think this is? A fashion parade?”

Be early

From resumption day and also in terms of everything you do on camp. NYSC isn’t here to wait for you and doesn’t like to either. But more importantly, it’s for your own good.

Let’s start with resumption day for example. This is the first day you realise why the word ‘queue’ is spelt the way it is. A real queue looks just as confusing as the word. One of the main reasons why NYSC was established is to teach you this. We can describe it but what’s the point eh? You’ll see soon enough. We do have an advise: the only way to bear this and even gain something nice off it is to start early. Be among the first to register on camp whilst officials aren’t irate yet. Be among those with double of three-digit registration numbers -the will come in handy if the State you are posted to needs to pick those it want’s to pay (no State is paying all 5,000 of you).

Where your early registration won’t save you, being among the first on any queue will save you. Take this advise if you don’t want to sleep the next three weeks on the flattened out mattress. Or if you’d like your NYSC uniforms to fit you. We use the word ‘fit’ very loosely here (pun intended).

Also, please, please, please, please. The sound of the beagle is not music to your ears. It sounds good, granted. But when you hear it where from a place the next activity is not taking place: THIS.MEANS.YOU.ARE.LATE. Run. A coup is coming your way.  It’s not that serious, Or is it?

Finally, ‘Be early’ means sleep early. This is important.

Use sunscreen

Black cracks. Best believe.

Be wise

This is not a general, vague “be wise” advice. We mean it pointedly.

So you’ve been posted to Delta not Lagos. First advice: Be wise and count your losses. Especially if Delta was on one of your choices. There are people who’ve been posted to States where indigenes cannot be trusted about their real nationality. States where MTN’s promise fails.

Now, if you’re certain you’ll die if you aren’t reposted – rest, assured you won’t – but still if your family taboo is being in the exact state you’ve been posted, second advice: Be wise and know the right way to present your case. Please don’t fall prey to people who’ll ask you to pay NGN 40,000 to be redeployed. That is the oldest Ponzi scheme no one spotlights. Sure, it’s worked for countless people -just not you. It won’t work for you.

Redeployment under the Youth Service Corps is like ‘Bail’ in policing terms – free. Except that it’s not free like air. Your leg account needs to be very robust to get redeployed. If you’ve ever wondered how anyone can afford all the ridiculous bail terms you’ve heard – it’s the same way you’ll wonder how anyone gets redeployed to Lagos after camp. One of life’s many mysteries -these legs.

Otherwise, have recourse to the first advice-Be wise and count your losses.

If you’ve been truly posted to a State that is not safe, NYSC can be trusted here, you’ll be automatically redeployed. If you don’t trust NYSC, wait till next year.