Inspired! Now that rapture has been postponed…

by ‘SeunSALAMI

Inspired! is YNaija’s brand new Monday morning series. Here, our columnist shares real-life experiences and advice to kick start your week!

“BREAKING NEWS…

Rapture has been postponed in Nigeria as the materials required to rapture the saints in the 36 states have not arrived. The Chairman of the Rapture Committee said this is to ensure a credible, free and fair rapture. A new date will be announced later today…”

If that didn’t remind you of Professor Jega, you’re first and foremost a liar and would probably not even have qualified for the rapture anyways.

It was one of the many BlackBerry broadcasts, mocking the prediction of rapture by Harold Egbert Camping and like many others before it, its subsequent failure to occur.

Camping, a Christian radio broadcaster had predicted, just as he did in 1994 when his biblio-mathematical calculations hit September 9 woefully, that the rapture – a collective ascension to heaven of the saints – would occur around the world at 6pm GMT, preceeded by a global earthquake.

It was probably one of the busiest nights for the likes of twitter and other social networking sites. Many stayed up late with topics like #endoftheworldconfessions trending. Hilariously so, to say the least.

While many didn’t really believe Camping’s claims, their rebuttals, to my cynical mind, seemed to be due more to dread and ‘unpreparedness’ than anything else.

“How can the world end when I’ve not even started living,” read one of  the tweets. Others spoke of wives unmarried and monies yet to be hammered. Whatever that means.

But beneath all the gesting and joking, this entire episode seemed to have been a reminder to not a few of us about our current states.

When @kikebrowny tweeted at 12:06am, Saturday, “oook now im getting scared bout this rapture thing i dunno why,” I thought she echoed the unspoken fears of many.

Then on Sunday morning, Kola Kasali’s facebook status read, “…after several days of absence from his house,i’v decided 2 go bck 2 him cos if d rapture had taken place,i’m sure devil would b using his chopping stick 2 turn me here and there in dat fire 2 ensure i’m fully roasted.”

Stop to think for a moment. What if the rapture truly took place?

Will you be reading this from heaven or the other side of town, where there’s weeping and gnashing of teeth?

If you were still on the earth, who would you have called first to find out if they were still around? (Which would have meant that the rest of us were still safe). Will any of your current friends have qualified for that call?

“If rapture has happened and this woman didn’t go, then no one is going anywhere oh, because this woman and Jesus Christ dey relate,” someone tweeted on my list.

Then I thought to myself, “so, people really know those that deserve to be raptured?”

Well…

Honestly,you should count yourself lucky. And I’m not kidding. Okay, we should all count ourselves lucky. Oun ta n wi yi ko la a ba ma wi, it would have been a different story all together, because if this rapture had truly happened,you know yourself…

That said, whenever rapture does decide to finally happen, one thing is certain; it will have no respect for our Blackberries, our iPads and how many followers we have acquired on twitter. Neither will it be about how many awards or degrees we’ve been able to get.

It will be about our works. Only.

It will be about whether ‘the master’ deems us qualified or not. And woe unto you, if you happen to fall in the latter group, you’ll be left to do battle with the anti-christ and his mark of the beast. At least depending on what you believe in.

Did I hear you say “it had better remain postponed?”

………..

‘Seun Salami is a writer, an author and editor. He became a back page columnist for National Standard News Magazine and also published his first book before his 21st birthday. His articles have appeared in newspapers like The PUNCH, The SUN and several other newspapers, magazines and online mediums.

Armed with a BSc in Journalism and currently studying for an MSc, ‘Seun believes he can write to save his life, if need be. You can follow him on twitter @seunsalami

4 Comments

  • Ayomidotun Freeborn says:

    it is quite funny how we get carried by the side attractions… guess many of us feared what you have stated. But some of us who have decided to seek redemption, i hope we dont forsake the quest too soon…
    A wonderful piece it is sir.

  • kike says:

    Ohh yes, it had better be…till further notice

  • Cheche says:

    Great stuff!

  • maryam yusuf says:

    hey, that was really touching. i liked the fact that u brought up pieces from our youthful selves that kind of added the twist

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