by HD

Over the past couple of weeks, the alleged killing of his wife by Akolade Arowolo has made the rounds in so many different versions and to much speculation. My friends and I have also taken the bait and keep discussing this case over and over again.

First we cannot believe this actually happened. He killed his wife; the woman who cooked for him, slept with him, kept his house and had his child; plus this was in our very own Lasgidi, not in London or US where anything can happen, but so close to home! As we continue to argue and express our opinions on this matter, there are three things which everyone is sure are red flags in every relationship.

From Titi’s side of the story which the media and other speculators have told on her behalf as she cannot speak now, MONEY is the root of all evil (yes I omitted ‘the love of’).

Some of the reports tell of Akolades unemployment and Titi being the sole breadwinner and even rent payer. At some point we even hear of how he sold her car without her knowledge.

It is generally accepted that the man is the breadwinner. For different couples, that could mean 100% financial responsibility on him, it could be 80-20, or some other percentage where the man basically carries the financial burden of the house. In recent times though, some couples choose to split costs 50-50 (after all both partners are working, right?) and both contribute equally to the running of the house.

In fewer cases, the woman is the sole breadwinner. Now this always makes big news, and is generally not acceptable to us. In fact, it is a shameful thing to the man who needs a woman to feed him. And that is where trouble starts. The man is ashamed of himself first of all and this shame consumes him entirely. Everything negative becomes about the fact that his wife is breadwinner.

That is why people were looking at him and smiling when he passed. That is why his wife had the audacity to ask him to help her take the children to school as she was late. That is why…

His ego takes a hit and the next thing is to look for someone to blame or to bring to the level he needs to salvage his ego. His poor wife is the closest person to him, and while in reality she is saving his behind, His ego has spoken. How dare she be all that when he cannot? One time, two times, three times and before you know it, Mr. I-love-my-wife-so-much-and-am-the-perfect-husband has become Mr. I-will-teach-my-wife-a-lesson.

This brings us to Part 2 of Titi’s story. According to some reports, Akolade beat his wife over and over again.

Clearly, there is absolutely no excuse for wife or woman battery. The man who lifts his hand against a woman is all manner of things which we will not go into now. She does not deserve it no matter what she does; he cannot ‘discipline’ her, as she is his wife and not his child. He cannot be ‘fight’ with her, as the physical advantage of an adult man over an adult woman is so unfair as to make it no contest. There is no reason for a man to beat a woman, period.

Unfortunately, in society today, the woman (and she really is the victim here) still bears the brunt. It is always: “you must have done something to make him hit you”; “are you the only one”; “that is how men are, go and beg him and manage…” The women are made to feel shame instead of finding support and strength! Statistics say that if a man hits you once, he will do it again. If the story of Titi is true, then that is what “go and manage” did to her oh!

We need to pass the message on to our friends, brothers and everyone. It is not ok to hit a woman – any woman at all, let alone your wife, your better half. Unless you practice self flagellation, beating your wife certainly should not make sense to you.

Come to think of it, as rational and civilized human beings in the twenty first century surely we have learned other ways to settle our grievances. I’m fairly sure that we do not practice self flagellation in Nigeria, so why hit your wife?

P.S. This note is based solely on the media information so far released, and not a claim to the facts of what actually happened. For those sympathetic to Akolade…relax. He also has a story to tell next week.