by Olaniyi Afolabi
‘‘ I am saddened as to the way men have been so reduced, to nothing more than grovelling apes from the stone age, snorting and running after women, as individuals controlled by the primal need to mate”
I have wondered on why guys cheat. Why we have that innate desire (breeding autonomous decision) to cheat. Is it because of peer pressure? Or are we just a bunch of inherently silly babies disillusioned as to what we truly want? Or are they “doing” all of us from our various villages? There are many reasons postulated as to why men cheat, as I asked a couple of ladies, and guys. Let me give just a few of them:
1.) Men just like variety; we don’t want pineapple, we want fruit salad (holds laugh).
2.) When a man “gets it” (whatever ”it” means) too much ehn, he becomes disinterested.
3.) Men are just ignorant babies.
4.) A man thinks of his “organ” and stomach alone, whatever else is of no concern of his.
The first reason listed cracks me up all the time, #fruit-salad … But! I’m afraid to say, most aspersions stated thereof (not disregarding the rest not listed) as reasons why men cheat, are wrong. Just wrong. We want Iya Sukura’s daughter rather than our own wives for two reasons. (My own opinion oh! Let me die before you bury me)
I am saddened as to the way men have been so reduced, to nothing more than grovelling apes from the stone age, snorting and running after women, as individuals controlled by the primal need to mate. To nothing more than a combination of a penis and a stomach.
So guys, let me explain to these to women, who have so yabbed us, and cursed us, and put “magun” under doors for us, to forestall us from cheating. Women who have shepe (cursed) for us naked under the full moon at 12 midnight.
Now, let’s get serious. I got two reasons to give. The first from science, and the other from basic common sense. (Well like they say, common sense isn’t so common). Because this article is not a long read, I will state only the first reason in this article. Open your eyes, peruse every line. DO NOT miss a word.
Science has given many answers to both basic and complex questions in almost every sphere of human endeavour. Our concern though would be an aspect of psychology as a science, and that is BEHAVIOURISM. Which aims to find reasons behind why individuals act the way they do. Behavioural psychologists (behaviourists – behaviourism) such as B.F Skinner, Ivan Pavlov, Fred S. Keller, Edwin Ray etc have tried to combine elements of philosophy and science, behaviourism concerns itself with the study of the physical observable behaviour of people and animals as to determine reasons why they act the way they do. (see philosophy and psychology on mental – physical events). (Full stop! if you want more, go read books on it, I’m not a lecturer).
So what is the need? Why all these jargon et methodology?
It’s simple, I aim to reveal a secret, a secret to why men cheat, based on the findings of Behavioural scientists.
In my opinion, there are two major elements a.k.a hormones which regulate the whole male and female relationship sphere. They are called oxytocin and testosterone.
Briefly; oxytocin is best known for its roles in sexual reproduction. Studies have revealed this hormone plays a major role in pair bonding, maternal behaviour and is sometimes referred to as the love hormone.
Testosterone is found in mammals, produced in male testicles and ovaries of females; primarily referred to as the sexual hormone. Oxytocin is released mostly during intercourse, and creates a sense of belonging between a man and woman, mostly at the point of release. (Ladies, if he jumps off you immediately when he’s “done”, its not you, its him. He’s possessed, he lacks oxytocin. Studies have shown sociopaths, serial killers, etcetera, are deficient in that hormone. So thank your stars, now you know, flee for your lives before he goes O.J simpson on you 🙂 )
This is where the conflict comes to play, a conflict between the “bonding” hormone and the “sexual” hormone. Dominant males are males with a very high percentage of testosterone, they want more sexual partners, all they want is to shag. Then, shag… And uhmm.. Well… Shag!! The bonding/love hormone makes a man monogamous, but testosterone makes a man seek more than one sex partner.
Testosterone levels depend a lot on social factors. Most times, the more successful the male, the more chances to cheat. Tiger woods, John terry, Ryan Giggs, Bill Clinton and much more (I hope Obama does not cheat though, being the first black president for 8 years could be euphoric). The Testosterone in such huge doses conflicts with the bonding hormone. A guy could love his girl deeply, but still wanna hit some shawties. Why?
Simple, women are attracted to dominant males [a dominant male is any man with high testosterone, not necessarily a rich individual]. If a man has plenty money or big “something”, success, high intelligence mixed with good looks, or is just plain sexy; women would flock around him (Note: ”All” does not mean each and every woman alive, there are some ladies who would shove your balls and money in your mouth for good measure).
Is it our fault that we cheat? Are we to blame?Do we bear the burden alone? Well, such arguments should be left to the chauvinists and the feminists.
I have babes as friends, confused and sad. “He says he loves me but he cheats”. Well my dear, the same ride that attracted you will attract 25 other babes. You could ask Mr Niyi Olorinla, “So should girls then date poor broke asses?”.. God forbid, no oh!.. My point is, merely dominant males irrevocably attract females. Whatever you do with such info, well give your man daily doses of anti-testosterone shots, or something.
Its the ego, the pride, the rush, the testosterone that makes a man cheat. The testosterone curse. The “in control” feeling, the money, the power, the groupies, the good looks, the physical prowess, the brains etc. Tuface is an example of a proper dominant male (and that bros eyaff dominate plenty wombs). 3-4 out of 5 Handsome, rich, suave men are cheats “word”, it all lies in the testosterone levels. Ladies, now you know this, rolling your eyes won’t make the hard cold fact go away.
But, what of successful men who do not cheat?? Well, I just stated, 3-4 out of 5, it thus follows that 1/2 out of five successful men do not cheat. It’s very, very, very rare. Too rare. But they exist.
The advice I have is one a lady spoke to me about. We were gisting about the whole relationship and cheating thing, and in her words “it is in a man’s nature to cheat when they have it all, so I don’t bother”.. She knows he will come back to her, so long as there are proper oxytocin levels.
What then is the point of revealing this jagbajantis?
It’s simple; Dominant males, respect dominant females. If a man totally dominates and controls his woman, she’s in for it. A dominant male needs a proper match, a strong woman/mate, not a slivering heap of emotions (no offence though). Challenge him, mentally, physically. Don’t be a mere subject, make yourself an object of his attention by showing him your stuff.
I love women, the love I have for women brings tears to my eyes (sobs). I want y’all to know the truth, my thumb is bleeding already *sigh*. But, it must be said. When he’s talking boardroom meetings, you are talking about your hair, make up and all other things weird to the dominant male. But why? Why??? (Yes roll your eyes, “your man” likes to hear you babble abi?? okay, continue na). Stop iiittt….. Do ye not know he shalt be bored?? C’mon!! Force that love hormone into him jor (easier said than done right? Lol, well…….)
It is no news that due to the irregularities and the complicated nature of humans and human relationships, behavioural patterns, there can be no universal laws on how relationships can be solidified, there are no pamphlets for it. What works for you, might not work for others. All I can do is tell why a man would cheat, I have no credible advice on what makes a relationship work or tick, but would give a sound advice from Robert Kiyosaki (not related to this topic though).. that is, make your own plan.
Olaniyi Afolabi is a writer. He tweets from @olaneeyie
30 Days 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija