by Thompson U. Essien
I definitely agree that a parent reserves the right to spank their child to reality should he default as truth be told, growing kids are the most manipulative people you can ever come across.
I am pretty sure many-a-minds would’ve repeated that age long phrase that “when you spare the rod, you spoil the child”.
I was really enjoying service last Sunday, because my pastor I must admit is good at what he was called to do- crack jokes and preach the word of God. He shared a story about his childhood during service and that gave me the inspiration for this write up.
A young pastor Tunde (not real name) apparently set out to grind pepper for his mum, so that dinner could be made without hassle. And so Tunde went to the grind-man’s house and got the pepper well grounded, but instead of going back home decided to play “one-set” of football. “One set” led to “two sets” and more and Tunde was running late for dinner preparations, but at least he had grounded the pepper. Done with football practice and catching up with friends Tunde was on his way out of the sandy football pitch when a more excited friend on the football pitch decided to smash one last shot at goal, but missed by a long mile and caught Tunde’s hand and the grounded pepper spilled on the sand. Afraid and panicking, Tunde managed to get a hold of himself and packed whatever spilled on the sand, alongside the sand and put it all back in the bag and ran straight home with the ‘perfect excuse’.
Tunde’s mum asked in earnest what kept him so long, and Tunde said he had to wait in line for his turn. Tunde’s mother refused to dwell on that and collected the (sandy) pepper from his hand and went back into the kitchen. It was there she saw a rather new mixture of grounded pepper and sand (delicious) and required from Tunde as to what came about this combination. Already a successful liar once, Tunde brought out another great line when he said the grinds-man, on putting the pepper inside the machine brought out this mixture and he had no choice but to take what the machine had given to him. Cutting the story short, now born-again Pastor Tunde revealed that he still vividly remembers the slap that was dished out to him when he was done with his ridiculous response. It was in line of that story that Pastor Tunde revealed a bible passage (Proverbs 22 vs. 15) to back his claim that a child must be disciplined, to set his ways straight.
While the church burst out in laughter, I was taking notes. I took notes because I was never beaten as a child by my parents, but at school I got my share and for emphasis sake I am not against it. I just find the topic fascinating anytime it comes up that you must be disciplined by the rod, else you grow up wayward. That assertion does not sit very well with me and so I decided to express myself in my own words. I believe it is the call of a parent to discipline their child however they feel is right, as long as it is done with a high level of tolerance. I definitely agree that a parent reserves the right to spank their child to reality should he default as truth be told, growing kids are the most manipulative people you can ever come across. From the trickery in their moves when they’ve just stolen a bar of chocolate, to the animated tears that form up immediately they have been caught, parents must face the facts that children are indeed manipulative.
What then leads the best way to discipline? I grew up knowing that charity began from our home but even then it took a few strokes on my behind in school to correct some of my errors that could not be detected at home. My understanding of that phrase is that whatever basic values you might need as a child, including discipline, you must first get that experience at home. Not being a parent puts me at a slight disadvantage to this debate, but I have watched my little cousins and nieces and nephews grow and I do understand why this needs to be addressed by public opinion. Therein lies the argument, to beat or not to beat.
The Case For
We live in a society that loves tradition. By this I mean, as it was successful in the past, let it continue forever and ever. It is those strong traditional, societal and religious values that have caused us to vehemently reject divorce, cosmetic surgery, homosexuality etc. That is why the very first defense of the ‘rod’ in disciplining a child lies in religion. Let me show you what the bible says about disciplining a child- Proverbs 23 v 13 says- “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die”. Likewise Proverbs 22 v 15 says- “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him”. The Bible makes it emphatically clear on its stance (if the words are to be taken literally) in disciplining a child. The aim thereof is to guide the child with “strong hands’, set the child straight in his/her ways so as to stray far from foolishness. And in the end, it is not like the child will die. I remember hearing the words of Pastor Tunde as he supported the use of a “rod”. Do not misinterpret the use of the rod here, as it might cut across spanking, the use of a cane, knocks and slaps and not necessarily a *rod* although history has shown that some parents love the literal meaning of the word. In today’s world it would be difficult to defend beating a child, but it has been proven to work. In church last Sunday, the congregation was cheering loudly in support of Pastor Tunde, as for me I just enjoyed the way he portrayed his story. Many agreed with him as to why beating a child is very important and their usual defense was what their parents did to them. People who advocate the use of the ‘rod’ in disciplining a child cannot tell the difference these days between a man who was beaten as a child and a man who wasn’t. The argument is that every other form of discipline is useless e.g. sitting in the corner, time out, curfew, detention, grounding etc. This is because it doesn’t instill a high cost for default. The ultimate defense for the use of the ‘rod’ in disciplining a child is that ‘since it has worked in the past, let us continue in that direction.”
The Case Against
I saw a little girl beating her younger brother one day, and I walked up to her and stopped her. It was on a playground near one of these fast food places around GRA Port-Harcourt, and there was no adult in sight. I asked for her name and her age, the girl was barely nine and the other child just turned four. I asked why she was beating her child and she said her little brother was wandering about and she was supposed to take care of the child since mum was buying some fast food. It immediately rang a bell in my head: this child is merely doing what she has seen mum do to her and her kid brother. In actual fact she was playing “mummy”. I said earlier that children may be manipulative but they learn things very quickly. A child’s growing years most times reveal his parenthood, and the environment he is exposed to.
The case against beating a child is growing both in Africa and in the Western world, as many are not convinced that beating a child is the best way to train a child to deter from bad behavior and such an opinion is growing in our society today.
Beating a child shows that violence is the way– You might be giving the child the impression that if he doesn’t like what someone is doing, or if he wants someone to act in the way that he wants then the solution might be to beat.
Beating might damage your relationship with your child– Ever wondered why children run into their rooms when the father comes back home? Exactly! It might make a child confuse love, with fear and might also change a child’s perception of respect.
Beating might make your child lack the honesty trait- Don’t children make the best liars sometimes? Maybe it’s because they are trying to avoid that cane, or maybe they are quite sure they will get a few slaps for that wrongdoing. You don’t want to raise a good liar of a child, trust me you don’t.
Beating threads the fine line of abuse– This is another truth that you cannot fight. Some parents go over the top with their ‘discipline’. What is the use of a plank on the child’s head? What is the use of pepper in their eyes? What is the use of a kick, a punch, has it evolved from discipline to abuse? There is a fine line.
The Bible might not even be a defense– The book of proverbs is one of poetry, and the word ‘rod’ has a few meanings that might not be literal in the sense. The rod in Hebrew means a stick for writing, ruling, walking, punishment, fighting.
Beating doesn’t really work– You might be the one reading this, and you know that beating never stopped you from that bad behavior. Instead you found ways to do it without getting caught, beating only increased the risk of getting to do what you want, not a deterrent.
Let’s Get Real
The case for and against has been exaggerated by proponents because they wish to instill their values on others. This is the truth; no-one method is a guaranteed way to raise a child properly. The case for beating a child has long been supported by references in Bible passages, or tradition, why do we not rather have a proper self examination. You never read the Bible except you want to defend yourself, you never read the Bible until you’re sure you can manipulate it to fit your actions. Maybe your temperament disqualifies you from disciplining the child as you tend to go over the top with it. I believe everything must be done within reasonable measure and must be suited to the appropriate child. If you hated beating as a child, why then do you advocate and use it. If you still went on to be the naughty, stubborn, disobedient child then why waste your time using the rod, and spoiling your child. GET REAL.
The case against has also been exaggerated. A report shows that beating a child has been linked to mental illness, and if that is the case then many of us in this society are mentally ill. While I do not disagree with this report, I am quite aware of how reports can be misleading. For example, I made a random report (just sitting down and thinking) that shows that most students who drink caffeine products make good grades in the university. How misleading!!! I came about that report because most students who do well drink a lot of caffeine products because they wish to stay up late and read. Does that mean caffeine makes children smarter? But that’s how you get a report. Increasingly errant kids are found to lack the ‘rod discipline’ at home, does that make beating a child a better method?
Train up a child in the way he should grow, and when he grows old he will not depart from it. Discipline your child in a way that is best suited to you, him and his environment but be aware of his responsiveness to your methods. That is what this debate is all about, your child’s responsiveness. Do not be overly determined to treat a child as you were treated, sometimes take the time to study the needs of your child. Some children respond a lot better to the rod, others don’t, know your child.
Note
My opinion is open to constructive criticism, I am aware that as humans we would have diverse opinions and I would love to hear yours. No opinion is generally correct/incorrect, so feel free to disagree with me. However in doing so I hope you come across without anger or prejudice, rather with enthusiasm and the desire to improve yourself and society.
However if you cannot do that, then I will leave you with the words of Ashleigh Brilliant- “If you do not like my opinion of you, you can always improve”.
Thank you.
—————————–
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
Exchange and make up to $860 a week work from home jobs online. go to http://onlinefastdollarbiz.zohosites.com/.
Well as I would consent to the pervasive notion expressed on the mattter of the extremes of methods expended in the exploitation of the ‘rod’ in effecting punitive actions to instil discipline on a ward/child as mostly unnecessary and outrightly wrong. I would vehemently disagree and oppose outrightly any attempt to perverse or misinterpret the vivid description of the hallowed admonition “spare the rod, spoil the child”. Without which, the other one akin “honour your father and mother” may require a lil more grace than neccessary to realise. My dear sister(if I may), these words are sacrosanct in the most litteral sense. Modernism and ‘neo-civilisation’ has robbed us of our sound moral and divine standards. As a case study,myself. I remember vividly some ‘golden’ moments of growing up. I had very loving parents who seldom reprimanded me, not because they were doting but because of the sound character I possessed (which I largely acquired from them though). I don’t mean to brag or have need to tell a lie at the moment and I’ve got a lot of leadership references of the past and prensent to show to validate my claim. But of all the happy moments of my childhood I would always cherish in reverence memories of the times when the rod was not spared to correct intentional juvenile errors of my past most of which I gracefully accepted in earnest and in some occassions where words were replaced with the rod I most solemnly burst into tears with an overwhelming feeling of remorse. Well my point is simply born out of the rationale and sincere school of thought that it is extremely difficult if not impossible to convey a conseqence of a mistake of any given child with the uttmost effectiveness without recourse to the literal esteemed ‘rod’. And if it were possible, the punitive effects cannot be sustained over a prolonged time to guarantee a lasting and solid imprint of genuine discipline. The rod as a every other tool must be used correctly(born out of love and nothing more or less) else the effort would not be worth the while.
welll i dont really understand the point of this debate(or may be its just an articule that lacks a point in which one can look at it) cause you have not told me if you are against the ”rod” or not. Anyway from my point of veiw the rod is a very good tool in training a child cause subcanciously you said ”while i recieved some spanking in my butt to shapen me in school”(paraphrase) that itself showed that it shappend you. And to your believe that ”charity begins at home” i say that charity can only begin at home if she wants to or else the ”child that refuses to learn from inside would surely learn outside (good or bad)” sowhether you where spanked outside or inside dosnt matter but that it shappend you is what matters.
u are apsolutely wrong in the case for’.. in britain today tday,where beating or spanking is an offece,the rate of juvenile deloquency is very high:am sure u still rmemba the case of damilola tylor etc..