by Ifreke Inyang [@Ifreke]
[25th – 30th July, 2011]
MONDAY: @mandilicious01’s first tweet as the new week began was: “Good morning twithrts wishing y’all a stress free week. Stay blessed.” @Nsuaha started his with stress, as his lecturer made him wake up early but was nowhere in sight. “Dat man shd just come and give his test…after all he made me wake up dat early *hiss*” he tweeted angrily. However, the test most people, especially rappers and lyricists were eager to stand up to was freestyling on Don Jazzy’s Enigma beat. @BragginRightz listened to a version and he didn’t have a positive review. “This Must Be A Joke Version Of Enigma Rite?? Wtf??,” he tweeted. “This Nigga Read A-Z Thru Out & Called It A FreeStyle?? *Brks Blackberry *” In @ibetapassmynebo’s opinion, there was someone else who would use the beat for other purposes. “I bet Teco benson is working on using ds Enigma beat as one of his action-scene soundtrack….probably where Jim Iyke kills RMD.” he tweeted.
TUESDAY: “Twitter has killed David Guetta d same way they killed Bill Cosby *mscheeeewwww*” @CaptNaya fumed in his tweet as the rumours of the singer’s death almost went viral on Twitter. @ThatIgboBoy wasn’t particularly bothered. He tweeted: “David Guetta is not dead.. Even if he was, who cares? He doesn’t sing in his own songs. :s” @AdRil_ has a compilation of other people’s songs and proudly declared to her followers, “My fone’s music libary so on point …I guarantee u will dance your ass off! Swear down…” For @kayaderemi, there was only one tune that would play in her head all night. “I’ve downloaded so many #enigma mixes…I think I’m gonna hear dat beat in my head all night.” she tweeted.
WEDNESDAY: What tweeters did all day was go in hard on the trending topic, #ThingsWeLearnedOnTwitter. @pwitti_mee: “#thingswelearnOnTwitter the best way to get more ffers is to twitfyt…..”, @_Santi__ : “#ThingsWeLearnedOnTwitter anyone who’s twitcon is a pic of their neck UP is FAT!”, @KiDTsQ: “#ThingsWeLearnedOnTwitter How To Plank.” @CuteNaija was so addicted to Twitter that it the upgrades Facebook were making didn’t matter to him. He emphasised that much in his tweet: “Facebook wants me to come back with the New Facebook chat included in the upgrade!…Leave me!! I Love Twitter!”
THURSDAY: @feline_eyes loved something else. “I need deliverance. I can eat roasted oka & ube for a day through out the year & I’ll be satisfied.” she told her followers. @MOsallyHITS however tweeted about something she completely hated. “I am really sorry to break some people’s heart,” she said. “I stopped taking my medications on Monday X_X I will start again today. I hate drugs.” For @Mystiqqal, she didn’t like the new time table. “Thursdays nd fridays r jus vewi annoying dis semester,classes till 6pm! Huz child do dey want to kill?” she asked rhetorically in her tweet.
FRIDAY: @AssistantBF’s observation was that most tweeters should not be believed. His tweet said: “Sometimes I come on Twitter, go thru’ my TL and it seems like there’s some competition for who can Tweet the BIGGEST lie. Ekare.. :)” No one came forward to admit to that or deny it, but tweeters told us what wasn’t other people’s idea with the trending topic, #NationalNotMyIdeaDay. @mrdicksonkalu: “Walking away 4rm my wife wasn’t my idea. Its just dt i exhaustefd my lifelines- Frank Edoho #NationalNotMyIdeaDay”, @JaneClement: “Running the Country while Alhaji was ill was not my idea.What is good for the goose is good for the gander. -Turai #NationalNotMyIdeaDay”
SATURDAY: Today wasn’t National not my idea day though. It was the day for the launch of P-Square’s ‘The Invasion Album’. @TheExtrovertKid had a word of advice for those who will pretend to be at the show. “If you’re doing overnight browsing at a Cybercafe in Akure, there’s really no need claiming you’re at the Invasion bash.” he tweeted. The action wasn’t only at the Eko Hotel, there was an alleged fight at Oniru beach between two tweeters. @Okikola_ insinuated that he had an idea who they were. His tweet was: “I am Sure Those guys that had a ‘twitter Fight’ at ONIRU today, venue of TeamYabaLeft’s Rag Party, are YORUBA probably from Ibadan.”
Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!
@LadyCleO01: @DONJAZZY is it only Nigerian that are allowed to hav fun with enigma
@MsSherryBby: Haven’t has KFC in a while.
@Ama_vic: I can’t sacrifices BBA party for P square show
@gbhandsome: Soar throat”
@Spicyirishpeach: Some guys are just bloody snitch
@Ms_teeVa: The Devil wear Prada
@xxRonkieexx: Who is going4 Psquares album lunch tonight?
@Tachigama: We all hates liars bt we all lie a lot!
@TejiriO: Modele actually eat moi moi and ice cream yesterday. Smh
@MOJYSHOW: why are children of nowadays did not fare God
@KiDTsQ: #ThereIsAlwaysThat1Person that breath never smells good.
@hydeyemo: Lord ear my cry
@slimstalk: I’ve freedom of speak….lemme alone
@FreshFishTohBad: Lolz! So al my last 9t gbagaun still trending.
@drunkenkitten3: I think I just heard a girl cried in the kitchen. :O
@DamnFunnyDude: Check out my Last tweet.. if u love Music.. its a amazing song..”
@okiziii: Todays match was on point thx to @Dhubem who scored for goals…
@StraitTwistedMe: I’m don’t intend to insult u o, but what you just did, was very stupid! #Perfect
@BAWOSUTRA chaaiiii u miss seriously fight men…
@tyrunsewe: And here I was think Economics class was useless. Hmmmm
@sikong100: @DONJAZZY everyone look at wat Don jazzy have put us threw, d best competion eva without no promo
@princegreg52: Evril body’s pingin seems nt 2 b delivry, I guess all netwk r b frozen by this damn weda!
@skeety1: God…I seein tinz ooo…
@Sir_b3llo #thingswelearnedontwitter Being a ugly is a crime.. Hmmmn
@MissEjem: This guy can’t even write properly english… Smh!
@DrewBaba: But Hw Does a BBA housemate/winner Represent His/her country well?.. Wat hv d passed one’s done.?
@Tourlar101: i need to follower babes wif massive Boobs …MASSIVE
@KidSwiftly: so I just discovered I have a talented after freestyling…
@ChyyChy: I saw my NYSC bank alert and I smiles
@drewbaba: I jst got my picture taking at d Bank. I love Catching Big Cheques.
@HAWT_EBONY I feel more pain when nobody talk abt the pain I feel
@BigPapaBoss: Am leaving that Goodlife. I lover my life
@cANdyFreSHKinG: Ma sis is an idiot 4 think am a smoker
@whalesbaba: I was electrocuted….but I don’t die
@HamzaGrema: Where is @AishaJana ? Is she death?
@kennie5: I about 2 go nd dance in d rain bye dudes 4 nw
@JalisaThatBitch: THEYRE CALL TYPOS! damn we all made mistake
@DaReAl01: i don sing tired, tryna win this shit, #enigma making me going nuts mahn!!!
@KidSwifty: So I just discovered I have a talented after freestyling 2 the #Enigma beat by Don Jazzy….
@v_jay_: #DEARGIRLS,Guyz don’t grow old,a man is chase U 2day and in d next 6yrs it might just be dat ur lil sis. 😀
Recommended: Follow @DeoluBubble, @tobismyth & @Monimooncheck and ask for a follow back.
Rant of the week: @husenat89: Who deletes pple’s nos, delete 4rum bbm nd den unfollow on twitter cos ur angry with dem? Kmt!
Tweet of the week: @je_mc2: if Nigerian astronauts ever set foot on the moon, the first they would do is probably have praise and worship.
Retweet of the week: @EVA_SINGS asked in her tweet, “Pleease, who will be a good samaritan and tell me wots showing at Ozone cinemas 2day *batting eyelids*“. @FreshFishTohBad retweeted and said, “KOTO AYE part 4.”
Seriously tweeting: @Jollz: My mother will be giving me marriage advice when I have no boyfriend. Why?
Quote my tweet: @DONJAZZY: #Enigma has sha made me know dat we ve over talented peeps out thr. so I’m gonna B doing ths from time 2 time. will sign a couple of acts 2.
SUBstance: @ugly4real: OK….OK….you’re in London yet your pic looks like it was taken @ ojota. R U ALRIGHT???!!!
Did you miss this tweet? @SIRUTI: @deehumorous I used a reality show to blow and now u’re Using me to attempt blowing.*sad face* why naa..oya enjoy the new followers I got u :p
Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz, @Kemmiiii and @tobismyth for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You too can become a YNaija twirrespondent. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.