Wale Adetula: Heed Them Not

Step aside guys, this one’s for the sisters. Well, maybe not, because if you can successfully preach this sermon to your wife/girlfriend/side-chic e.t.c, trust me, they’ll come off better.

After much research, I’ve come up with yet another not-so-list of the top 5 people our women should never really listen to/take advice from. So let’s get into it.

 

Beyonce

Call her Beyonce, Bey, Destiny’s first child, or as she now calls herself, ‘King B’, singer and actress, Beyonce Knowles tops my list of people women really should never take advice from and my reasons are not far-fetched.

I think she’s just pretty much confused and confusing. I mean, why on earth do you do a single ladies anthem when you’ve not been single in ages? Why would you get women who look like a certain former radio OAP here in Nigeria singing the lines: “I can have another you in a minute!”? She winds broke-ass sisters up so much that they start singing the lines “let me upgrade you…” and I’m like upgrade me with what exactly? The combined height of the 2 pairs of 6 inch heels you own? As if this isn’t bad enough, the first single off her new album drums the lyrics “…who run the world? Girls!” into the ears of women and funny thing is, some are starting to believe this too. My 50 kobo advice is if your man is significantly bigger than you physically and he has drinking/smoking habits, kindly side step that song or better still listen from a distance.

 

Ugly Friends

They have existed since forever and every girl has them; what I just don’t understand is why our women allow them to influence their choices/decisions. I know you have little or no influence on who advises you on what and when. This is Nigeria, people love giving their opinions even on discussions they weren’t invited into. But if you’re going to take advice from anyone at all, especially about your man/relationships, why on earth will you listen to the ermm.. ‘unprettiest’ of all your friends.

You know she wishes she has your man, heck, she’s probably offered him a lifetime membership card for her pumpum, which he probably turned down, so why do you take advice from her? Please don’t get it twisted; the ugly friend in question can also be a guy. In this case, he’s just plain hating on your man for coming to steal away his closest shot at being considered as a possible partner of a remarkably hawt woman. If you don’t have any other friend to take advice from create a fake twitter account and tweet questions. I’m sure you’ll get more than enough responses. Ok, ok, I kid.. but you do get my point.

 

Oprah

Let’s just combine most talk shows into this point but I’d have to say Oprah takes the buck. When the curtains closed on her last episode, I’m sure some men arranged for special thanksgiving at their churches. This woman has such a following that if she writes her own bible, it would probably become a worthy competition for the real thing.

Maybe I should have started from the fact that that people who have twisted/unclear theories about God scare me but honestly though, as much as she’s been a source of inspiration to many black women out there, it’s easy to see that her societal status colours her judgment on a lot of issues. Besides, why would you trust relationship advice coming from a woman who has been with a guy she isn’t married to for over 25 years but is publicly seen everywhere with a female ‘bestfriend’.  I hear there’s now a term for it: ‘Stedmantization‘.

 

Bloggers

I’ll probably lose my head for this one but yes, I said it, BLOGGERS. To be fair though, the ones you should really be scared of are the blogs/bloggers that put up a lot of ‘list’ related posts. ‘4 ways to find out he’s cheating‘.. ‘5 ways to know he’s a broke ass‘… ‘13 rules of dating‘… ‘3 ways to make him say your name in bed‘…

Ok, maybe not that last one but you get the idea. It’s true I’m a blogger but those discerning enough will realize how pretty much open-ended most of my posts are. I sometimes share my opinions on issues but at the end of the day, I know we are all different people in many ways so certain issues need to be contextualized and properly processed before a conclusion/decision is made. Sure, you can read and peep into the lives of others through their comments but the puck stops with you at the end of the day.

 

Cosmo

Some might say they’re not so different from the bloggers with their lists and all but one thing that gets to me is all the sex related lists, rules and all. ‘5 positions that will take you from ‘oh’ to ‘Oh my God”… ‘Top 3 sex toys you can buy your man‘… Well, for those who are married and have no plans to cheat, my advice is that you can read Cosmo, but only for laughs. I mean, if your man is built like Mr. Chow from the Hangover movies, he’s doggy game will just never pop no matter what the guys from Cosmo tell you.

To wrap things up, I’ll just say even though this piece might come across as a joke, there’s some truth here too. People will advise whether you like it or not. The key thing is being able to pause right before you make that decision to contextualize things. Does it really apply to me? Who gave the advice? Why should I trust the person’s opinion? e.t.c. These questions will and should always be relevant event to us guys.  So, if you think I missed out a point or you disagree with any of my points, please use the comment box and speak your mind. Cheers.

 

– @thetoolsman (Read my other articles at http://www.tncng.com )

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Comments (4)

  1. Ijeoma, true talk. the cheekiness of what some dudes get up to. stopped reading this writer long time ago – too juvenile, way too much p**sy in his brain. crap!

  2. The condescension that allows a man to not only think this, but write this and have it published. You clearly have no respect for the intelligence of the average woman. Like you said, it might come across as a joke, but you really meant it. So who should the men not listen to? Of course, men listen to no one but themselves.

    1. "You clearly have no respect for the intelligence of the average woman" <– And this came through in this short piece? I can probably come up with a longer list of people men shouldn't listen to but that's not the point here. I'm not trying to start a gender war. Both men and women can benefit from 'obvious' undertones present in this piece. The final paragraph summarizes my thoughts.

  3. This is confusing: do I take your advice about ignoring advice on blogs 🙁

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail