by Adedayo Ademuwagun

Pope Francis recently told parents it’s okay to beat their children to discipline them as long as their dignity is maintained.

He made the remark at an event devoted to the role of fathers in the family. He outlined one of the traits of a good father as one who forgives but is also able to correct with firmness.

The pope’s comment received some fire from some Western parents. Some people responded online that the pope can’t be teaching about parenting since he doesn’t have the experience and that beating children is just an improper thing to do. Of course the Vatican explained that the pope wasn’t talking about violence or cruelty, but about helping children grow and mature.

What do you think about corporal punishment personally? Were you usually beaten as a child? Do you believe in this disciplinary style? Do you beat your own kids or will you beat your kids when you have kids?

In this chat, three young people Hauwa, Damilola and Ebube share their thoughts on this interesting subject.

– What do you think about beating kids?

Damilola: I think it’s effective. It makes the kids better. When a kid does something and you just talk without some punishment, you’re sending the wrong signal. You’re indulging the kids and telling them they can do what they want. Often kids like that end up spoilt. It’s good to beat one’s child to instil discipline in them. It drives the point home and they’re probably not going to do that thing again because they’ll remember they’ve been beaten for it. But moderation is crucial and it should not become frequent or it will be lose its effectiveness.

Ebube: Kids naturally have the tendency to misbehave if we permit them, and that’s because they don’t know what they’re doing yet. Some parents these days think it’s uncivilised to spank their children and they think it’s not good for their upbringing, but I don’t believe this at all. When your child keeps throwing their food on the floor or disobeying you, you’ve got to let them know what they can do and not do. It deters them from doing wrong because they know Daddy will beat them. That’s how kids turn out nicely.

Hauwa: I support spanking, but as a last option. First you try correcting them gently and then scolding them. But if they don’t get the message after you try everything, maybe then you can beat them so they’ll learn their lesson. It’s good. But it’s also important to understand what works best for each individual child. Maybe you’ll discover other ways of discipline that works better for that specific child.

– What do you say about your parents’ disciplinary style?

Damilola: I was the only girl of five children and I was treated like the boys. I remember my dad would beat me with a koboko or a wire or anything he could use. He took it extremely. One day he was beating me with a wire and as I dragged the wire with him, he just fainted. That was the last day he tried to beat me. It was brutish. It was a strict setting.

Ebube: My parents are separated and my mother raised me. She’d hit me with the sole of her high heels or if we were in the kitchen it was the turning stick. But sometimes she’d surprised me by just having a chat with me when I think I’m about to get the toughest beating ever, like once when she was looking for something in my room and found a love letter that I wrote. She was half strict and half lenient.

Hauwa: They believed if you spare the rod the child will rot. Whenever I lied or they asked me to do something and I didn’t do it, surely they were going to beat me. They felt like they had to enforce the lessons they were teaching me to make them sink. It probably prevented me from becoming wayward.

– Looking back, how did this affect your upbringing?

Damilola: It hardened me! Today a lot of people say I’m very strict. Even when my cousins know I’ll be visiting or something, they tell their parents they’re scared. It affected me well in some way, but I guess beating is not as effective as some say. After a while I got accustomed to the beating. There are many other things that determine how well a child turns out. Besides I know people who were rarely beaten as a child and today they’re doing great. So I think I would have turned out okay anyway without the koboko.

Ebube: I think it shaped me well. I remember when I was like seven and I would struggle to lace my shoes. I just didn’t want to learn. I wanted things done for me. But my mother bent over me with a cane one day and made sure I got it right before she stopped. Even though she was a single mum, she tried to keep a strong grip on me to make sure I didn’t become a bad boy. Were it not for her, I probably would be on the street with earrings and braids and spending my life on parties and women. But she raised me to be responsible and to have self discipline. She couldn’t have done that without beating me. It worked for me.

Hauwa: The way they did their thing made me who I am today. I feel they shaped me well. Definitely at the time it felt harsh, but now I’m thankful and the lessons have stuck with me. I think it’s paid off.

– Will you beat your kids when you have them, and why?

Damilola: No I won’t beat my kids. I might do so occasionally but it certainly won’t be my practice. There are other ways I would correct my child, I might punish them or withdraw certain privileges and use timeouts, no TV for some time, things like that. These days I work with human rights people and I just realise it’s not good for a child’s psychology. Certainly there are better ways to chasten your child than beating them.

Ebube: Definitely I will. When I see the way some rich kids behave, I feel like flogging their parents. I’m never going to pamper my kids or indulge them when they do wrong no matter how rich I am in life. I feel like it’s my duty to discipline my kids so they can grow up to be responsible and disciplined individuals. Parenting is serious business! It’s not just about putting your kids in a rich school or buying them some expensive stuff that they probably don’t need. I’ve made up my mind to raise my kids with love, but I’m going to be firm about it and penalise them when necessary.

Hauwa: I’ll beat them, but I’ll do so moderately. As soon as they’re old enough to understand instructions there are going to be rules in the house and they know they have to live by them. There’s the feeling responsibility and knowing that if you mess up in life there’ll be consequences. It may not be Mummy beating you anymore. It may be struggling when you blow your budget or failing when you don’t study well for an exam. It’s the same thing. There will be consequences. So I just want to prepare them well for the life out there.