Ramadan is supposed to be the month you finally get it right. You get up for Suhoor without complaining, read your Quran every day, are patient with people who are hard to deal with, don’t waste time on your phone, and pray all five times. And then the month really begins.
This Ramadan was a little different for four young Nigerian Muslims (whose names have been changed for their privacy) than what they had planned. After Eid, we sat down with them to talk about the fasts they broke, the plans they made that fell through around the second week, and what they are quietly hoping to do better when the crescent moon comes back next year.
Here’s what these people had to say.
- Before Ramadan started, what did you tell yourself this month would look like for you?
Kunle: I told myself this was a month of spiritual lock-in. Engage more with the Qur’an and do 3x what I did last year.
Halima: I really sat down like a CEO of Spiritual Growth Ltd and said, “This Ramadan? Elite. Life-changing. Tahajjud every night. Read the Quran twice. No nonsense.” Meanwhile, my alarm clock has been screaming into the void since day 3.
Quadri: Omo. I just wanted to show up for the things that mattered and settle all obligations—work, personal, etc., and prayed to the universe it would be better than February, which should definitely not happen again.
Akeem: I believed that I’d have it better and things would change because, of course, it’s a holy month, so maybe things would feel less burdensome.
- How would you describe your headspace going into it? Optimistic, anxious, or indifferent?
Kunle: Optimistic, yeah. It’s always, for me, a period to look forward to, and it seemed pretty soft as the month approached.
Halima: Violently optimistic. Like delusionally optimistic. The kind where you think you’re about to become a completely new human being overnight. Reality said, “lol… let’s revisit that.”
Quadri: A mix of optimism and anxiety for the new month and completely indifferent about Ramadan.
Akeem: I was very optimistic; I was hopeful; I was happy, even with the mindset that I get the opportunity to ask and pray for things, and I believe they’ll be answered.
- Was there a specific day or moment where you just completely gave in to something you had committed to avoiding?
Kunle: Avoiding doomscrolling, yeah. I caught myself doomscrolling almost every day.
Halima: Yes. And it wasn’t even dramatic. No build-up. No internal struggle. Just one calm, quiet “You know what… it’s actually not that deep,” and boom, commitment broken. The devil didn’t even have to try; I collaborated.
Quadri: For me, it’s the other way around; I didn’t commit to things I told myself I would try to do, and on the top of that list is praying 5 times daily. The Muslims that do that, ugh, I have no idea how they do that, it’s so hard, mehn.
Akeem: Yes, there was. Basically, sexual thoughts lol; that’s really it, and being angry at God.
- Which was harder to give up: food, social media, music, or something else entirely?
Kunle: So, social media was the hardest to give up, because somehow it was easy to convince myself that I found beneficial information there while getting pulled into an endless pool of unbelievably false or intriguingly stupid takes on social media, instead of actually doing acts of worship or “learning.”
Halima: Let’s not lie to ourselves, social media. Food? Fine. Water? Hard but manageable. But scrolling? My thumb was moving like it had bills to pay. I opened apps out of muscle memory like I was programmed.
Quadri: Just food for me, and honestly, I wasn’t even eating a lot anymore, so before the month or even Ramadan started, I wasn’t eating a lot, and I sort of stopped doing a lot of “distracting” stuff; my use of social media had reduced, I wasn’t listening to songs as much as I used to, and I work remotely, so I wasn’t going out a lot; it wasn’t as hard as I’d imagine it.
Akeem: Social media and some other traits.
- How do you talk to yourself after a bad day during Ramadan? Do you spiral, or do you let it go?
Kunle: “We go again tomorrow.” “Do better tomorrow.” Subtle-kinda-motivational, letting-it-go.
Halima: At first? Spiral. Full TED Talk on self-disappointment. “Wow. So this is who you are? This is your peak?” But eventually, I switch to gentle parenting myself: “Okay, babe… that was embarrassing. But we move.”
Quadri: Lol, at any point if it was getting too stressful, I’d rant on my burner (halal stuff, by the way), or if I didn’t feel like doing that, I’d talk to my mum & sister; she’s home from school at the moment, so I’d randomly get up to meet her, pester her life for a few minutes, and leave her again until later.
Akeem: I do both, depending on how badly I’m hit or affected by that. It goes crazy sometimes.
- Did anyone around you make you feel like you were not doing enough? Friends, family, social media?
Kunle: Oh, yeah. social media. But that’s only because of the personal standards you catch yourself failing to meet. not because people on social media were showing off condescendingly. It was more of the inspiring type of “Oh, I could do better.”
Halima: Social media, especially. Everyone is posting “Day 12: just finished my third Quran recitation,” And I’m there like… “I opened mine today. Progress?” Nobody said anything directly, but the comparison was LOUD.
Quadri: In my line of work, everyone in your field makes you feel like you’re not doing enough lol, and it’s even harder if you’re stagnant or going through a phase. So when it happens, it’s just another Tuesday.
Akeem: I would say social media, really.
- What does “doing better next Ramadan” actually look like to you in practical terms, not the spiritual language, but the real behaviour?
Kunle: Hopefully by Allah’s will, I will witness next Ramadan with more ease; doing better would mean upholding the essence & sanctity of the month: making good use of my time, avoiding wasting it on frivolous engagement online, staying committed to those spiritual activities that I promised myself to commit to, & doing more charity.
Halima: Not vibes. Not big speeches. Just real things like fixing my sleep before Ramadan starts (because why am I fighting for my life at suhoor?), setting realistic goals instead of trying to become a scholar overnight, reducing distractions gradually BEFORE Ramadan so it’s not a shock, actually planning my days instead of winging it, and then acting surprised when nothing gets done. Basically… less chaos, more structure.
Quadri: Unlike previous years, since I officially left home as an adult, I stayed with my parents this Ramadan. I think it would’ve been much harder if I weren’t home. So doing better next Ramadan just means spending Ramadan with family again, but being able to do more than I did this year. It’s easier to fast, more peaceful, and at the end of the day, you know the fast isn’t affecting you alone, I guess.
Akeem: I guess to me, it would be doing more and giving more; praying more; doing things better the religious way, and personally, in a different country and space.
- Is there something you surprised yourself by actually keeping up with, even if everything else fell apart?
Kunle: Nah, so vanilla. No surprises, really. So I wouldn’t say all else fell apart; I just didn’t surprise myself with any “extra mile.”
Halima: Yes, and I’m proud of it. Even when everything else was shaky, there was one thing I stayed consistent with. Might not have been perfect, might not have been aesthetic, but it was there. I kept showing up, and honestly? That one thing is proof that I’m not as unserious as I think I am.
Quadri: Yes, I actually fasted all 30 days for the first time this year. I know it’s insane, but I’ve never fasted all 30 days before in my twenty-something years on this planet; Ramadan just didn’t seem to be a big deal to me like it did to every other Muslim, but for some reason this year was different. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older; who knows, lol?
Akeem: My prayers and fast itself. I made sure not to miss any and completed it, which I did. I did more praying in the mosque as well.
