Expensive sh-t — and more, in today’s news roundup with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze

Baba Suwe

Baba Suwe must have a lot of faith to still go back to the same judiciary which has proven time and again, that it has no bite to support its bark.

Imagine being deprived of your liberty, for three weeks, and in those three weeks, being made to do your business in the public eye, being subjected to ridicule by a lot of lazy hacks, including this writer, and in the end, failing to expel the contraband you were accused of harbouring within your system. Of course the normal reaction would be to sue the chaps who by their carelessness, or worse, possible maliciousness, brought all of that humiliation on you. As things then stand, you win the case, and are awarded a cool N25 millions by a court of law. Then the court order is disobeyed. Baba Suwe must have a lot of faith to still go back to the same judiciary which has proven time and again, that it has no bite to support its bark.

Faith, is something that many people in these parts do not have in the men-in-black. That is probably the reason that not-a-few people want Alaye boys involved in the rescue of Kehinde Bamigbetan, the Ejigbo LCDA fila, who was whisked away to parts unknown four days ago now. Problem is, the men-in-black themselves, claim that they don’t need help. “Let me assure you that police are on top of the situation and efforts are on to ensure his immediate release. There will be proper briefing after his release,” shrilled a Lagos men-in-black parrot, Ozoani Damasus, culling from that worn out phrase book we are sick of reading. Damasus went further to add, “OPC is a banned organisation and it remains banned.” To that one, I can only say, “you could have fooled me”, then inquire about when to pay my next OPC dues.

Speaking of people fooling people, less than three weeks after letting the cat out of the bag regarding NECO and JAMB, the cat has not only been caught, it has been quite firmly plugged back into the bag, and the bag apparently tied up. Yesterday, the Junior Minister for Education told his future colleagues that the “White Paper Committee set up to review the recommendations of the Steve Oronsaye Committee was still working”. So the advice to y’all lazy students out there, cram more. While of course, our recurrent expenditure balloons beyond its already unreasonable proportions because as things stand, well, every hamlet in Nigeria will soon be a state in order to remove any feeling of ‘marginalisation’. That way, every hamlet will have a federal minister (our Constitution demands it), who will each have a retinue of PAs, SAs, SSAs, und zo weiter

Bits and bobs

The new Armoured Personnel Carrier is now official. What I find most significant though was that General Buhari attended the metamorphosis of the ACN into the APC. To me, that means that his CPC will definitely b joining up. This coming the day after he said, “Yes I will run in 2015”, means that I will jump the gun and declare General Buhari as the APC’s Presidential Candidate in 2015.

Another committee member has weighed his options, and decided that it is best not to offend #BokoHaram. Personally, I remember Datti Ahmed as the chap who back in 2003 said that the polio vaccine was meant to render Muslim women infertile, or something along those lines. Ten years later, and Nigeria is one of only three countries in the world where this otherwise eradicated disease is still endemic. The other two, Afghanistan and Pakistan. To think that this chap is still a “Doctor”…

No Future Ambition babariga has strengthened our win-at-all-costs mentality in “age grade” football by knocking our ‘teenagers’ after they failed to beat their sons from the Ivory Coast. “You must win against Congo,” Maigari told the Eaglets, conveniently forgetting that age-grade football is not for winning, but for developing talent.

Right of reply

Folade wrote,

Comments like the one attributed to Lai Mohammed on Mr President’s passage through Lagos are the kind of indicators that heighten my fears that the “armored personnel carrier” is not the “breath of fresh air” we envisage.

GEJ might be a clod, but let’s not forget that he remains the C-in-C(maybe not in action,but definitely in law and fact). How does a citizen of a free State presume to tell the C-in-C where he may or may not go?Worse still, how does that citizen go ahead to threaten “consequences” if the C-in-C ventures into a region that is under his domain? 

Must we ruffle feathers THAT recklessly in the name of politics?

Kalu Aja wrote

We have no opositipn in Nigeria just opportunist. 

I see Obama land on Airforce One in red Texas to campaign and Rick Perry of the GOP is there to greet him.  Its not the person but the office. 

When GEJ went to Eko Atlantic City why didn’t they stop him?

Very disappointing from ACN

Olamide Akanbi wrote (in reply to Tosin from yesterday),

Hello, Tosin, I suppose there is a mix up. I was actually referring to Chxta’s trivializing of Dino’s assertion of an attempt on his life and not on the kidnap story. 

Victor Osibe wrote (in response to Kalu Aja),

In response to wot kalu aja said dat d best way to milk People is by opening a church. Am telling any body dat wants to try it d consequences of it is dis: D wrought of God will be on d fellow. So don’t go der @ all. 

Chxta responds to Victor,

Bros, there are a lot of churches in Nigeria that were set up specifically to milk people. So far, there’s been no pestilence…

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail