You know when you break up with someone you shouldn’t have been with, end a business partnership you shouldn’t have entered, quit a job you shouldn’t have managed, send a person with negative energy out of your life, or anything like that, you know how you hate the fact that you supposedly allowed yourself be taken for granted for so long, and then because you know that person or situation was never worth your energy in the first place, you decide you’re not going to ‘waste any time’ grieving over the loss?

Don’t do that to yourself.

Humans have memories. Our minds, our bodies, our hearts, they have memories. Grief is the process of having those memories re-arrange themselves into a new normal after the disruption of loss. It’s an entirely natural process that leads to healing in the first place.

So you’re not doing it because the other person deserves it. You are doing it because you deserve it.

You deserve to heal. Therefore you deserve to grieve.

So, please go ahead and forgive yourself. Clear the debris of anger and regret. Accept the reality of how our minds and bodies work.

And allow yourself to give yourself what you absolutely, completely deserve.

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Chude Jideonwo

Chude Jideonwo is host of the TV and radio network #WithChude, which is creating safe spaces for conversations about mental, emotional and spiritual health across Africa. He is also co-founder of human flourishing company, Joy, Inc.