by Joy Isi Bewaji
Not the “native doctor”, silly! Come on! Lol!
So, you have found “the one”, huh? He was at that party, you lifted your dress a little to show off your thighs the minute he walked passed. He looked back, liked what he saw; told the waiter to send a bottle to your table and then asked if he could join you. He sees you to your car after bouts of alcohol and laughter. He calls by midnight to check if you are home safe. The next day, he sends SMS in the evening when you are stuck in traffic, and calls before you go to bed. You are already planning the weekend with him in mind – some light entertainment at a bar and then invite him over to yours – now, PAUSE!
Before you take him seriously, you may want to check out a few places that can throw more light on the kind of dude he really is…
- Pay him a visit on Twitter: Twitter might just be the easiest place to know if this dude has a brain or not; if he is a chauvinist; a sedentary follower – or worst still, a lively follow-me-tiwa-savage-or-I’ll-hang-myself idiot. You can find out if he has any original ideas of his own, or is just good at re-tweeting other people’s ingenious ideas or just LOL-ing like a cow all the time. Is he the bandwagon type (everyone hates Jason Derulo, so yes he hates him too)? You can tell a thing or two by the number of his followers – is he crowded by guys who just hang around celebrities without a clear sense of purpose, are his followers a bunch of boobs-flashing-booty-showing babes, or a group of followers that seem to have a life to live? How active is he on twitter? Does he tweet every day, reply every tweet? With 105,678 tweets unrelated to any clear objective to life or his career, can you truly say this is the kind of dude you want to date?
- Visit his crib: instinctively, his apartment will reveal more than you might bargain for. He most likely will invite you anyway because he is hoping y’all will end up somewhere between the sheets after a couple of drinks; but your aim at the moment is different, so stick with the plan! Here are a few things his crib may uncover: he is dirty/careless/neat/super-neat; he can cook/can’t cook; he is artistic/ordinary; he is trendy/square; he loves sports/doesn’t care much; he has a girlfriend/he is a player/he is single… Like I said, intuitively you can sum up very vital information on him just by being a guest at his place.
- Drop by at his office: the go-getter is every woman’s desire. We want a man who’s got the kicks in the “boardroom” (boardroom is used in a generic term for anywhere that demands efficiency). Men are usually at their best professional behaviour when they get to their offices. If you want to know if you’ll be dating the door-man or the guy whose ideas and presence is significant, then walk by his office one afternoon and see if he’s got any elements of greatness or just another regular dude that gets pushed around by others.
- Take a peek into the state of his heart: is he a damaged man? Is he holding on to grudges from a past relationship? Is he prone to commitment? Is he afraid? Does he hate women (many guys do, they just don’t know it)? Is he happy with his life? Content? Is he repulsed by certain things women do? Does he like sex? Is he adventurous? If you take a trip through his heart you’ll best know if you should stay or take a walk.
- Visit his Ex: technically, yes. Don’t go snooping around acting like a detective, or worse – a psycho. You don’t need to meet any Ex, you just need to get into a conversation with him where you tilt towards those uncomfortable areas. If he’s going to share the reasons why he broke up with his last girlfriend – he will. If he doesn’t, don’t push. Let’s imagine he doesn’t mind sharing and you both get really cosy (remember, he wants to date you. All of these will not apply if both parties are only interested in the sex), if he goes off addressing his ex with very unpleasant terms, then you may need to be alert or cautious, especially if he still won’t let out the true cause of separation. The ‘ex’ discussion is usually the best way to weigh the temperament of people. How bad does he hurt? What does he do when he is hurt? How does he handle hurt? How does he handle those who hurt him? Does he heal quickly or pretend to be macho? With the Ex on the table, you’ll discover emotions – real and scary – that would help you decide if you should go ahead and date this guy.