Timileyin Bondefaiye: Know yourself [NEXT]

by Timileyin Bondefaiye

Every generation is presented with a rather dangerous ‘obligation’: Grow up as soon as possible. Society gives a small window where childhood and youth are acceptable and once that window closes anyone left behind is an anomaly, a defective product -a freak. I was asked a question recently by an older relative “Timi boy, where is your girlfriend?” Needless to say, my response as to whereabouts of this non-existent intimate female companion warranted a much-unwanted lecture about the dangers of staying single for far too long and the pitfalls of complacency. Good home training made me sit and listen to all he had to say and as soon as the speech ended I offered the obligatory fake laughter of appreciation. Needless to say, I avoided crossing the path of that relative for the remainder of that social gathering.

I’m sure quite you have experienced a version of what I just recounted (my sisters out there can relate more to this particular brand.) This isn’t just a relationship thing- school, jobs, children, even certain ‘standards’ of living, society has set these milestones for our lives that we must accomplish at a particular age or stage in our lives right from conception. Most people don’t have any issues following this life path doing what they are required at the time they are required to and any concerns are left unvoiced as they live as they are expected to. I am not one of them.

We spend the first two decades of our lives in one system or the other. Various (compulsory) levels of education and youth service will consume an estimated 60% of those years with a large majority of the remaining 40% spent either unwinding from or in preparation for the next of these stages. Most forms of self-discovery are done within the confines of these systems. Eventually, the 24-year-old masters degree holder after a deep evaluation will find that they know little or nothing about themselves, and what they define as their life’s goal or personal passion is simply a brief description of the life role they have been groomed to occupy. This should not be so.

‘Scito te ipsum’ is a Latin saying which means ‘Know yourself’. This should not be mistaken to mean ‘know yourself as a student’ or ‘know yourself as a writer’ or within the context of many other manifestations of self, necessary for day to day demands of execution of various parts of the compulsory social contract we enter into the moment we are born.

We should not allow ourselves to be defined by the roles we play in society. Look at each role as a circle in a personality venn diagram. Innumerable circles for innumerable parts of us but at the centre, common to all roles is you. Most times life tries to put us in a position where we are too busy switching from circle to circle and eventually we fall in the habit of ignoring the centre and we loose ourselves. Here lies the problem.

You need to ‘Scito te ipsum’ and rediscover the central you. Spend time by yourself, find out what you truly love to do, to see, to eat, to read, to watch, where you truly love to go and where you truly love to be and most importantly allow yourself to get bored. Boredom on the journey of self-discovery is like the one end of the string you pull and the parcel of what truly lies within you is unravelled. You cannot fully lend yourself to anything or anyone if you don’t know who you truly are. You can’t give what you don’t have.

I can’t say I fully understand this concept of knowing myself. My life has been full of things, events and people that have distracted me from me; good, bad and down right ugly I have struggled to hold on to what it means to truly be me. I recently started my own personal journey and sometimes if feels like I’m meeting me for the first time and I must say honestly, so far I am f_ing awesome.


Timileyin Bondefaiye- Owope is a modern eccentric whose Interests include international Politics, psychology, Social Media, custom knives and performance cars. In his Spare time he reads, plays basketball, listens to his extremely diversified musical collection while dreaming of ways he can become a super hero

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