Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.
Here’s our list from today:
1. @-Alphawoman
This one’s for you Otondos.
You’ll think it’s too early for ‘shade’, but no. So listen up:
https://twitter.com/_TAlphawoman/status/865111951336230913
2. Gov Ortom
Methinks Governor Otom deserves the cup for throwing major shade, afterall when they said youth empowerment, he said “Wheel barrows”!
Nigerians bicker about his decision here:
https://twitter.com/The_improviser/status/865099054912557056
Gov: I've donated wheelbarrows for empowerment
Citizen-Blogger: How much for them+cost of inscription?
Gov: Arrest him!
Press:Give Gov Award— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
He tried. Better than the governor who contemplated giving camels to beggars to aid transportation so they can beg more efficiently
— Hannatu (@_Fayve) May 18, 2017
https://twitter.com/The_improviser/status/865115318615760897
State presently received funds dt would allow it pay off 6 mnths back salary. What does my man do? Sets up committee on salary payment. pic.twitter.com/MYFM33hwGe
— Meshell (@DreamGyyrl) May 18, 2017
3. Juliet Kego
Evidently, Gov Ortom of the Food Basket state lacks requisite understanding of the word “empowerment”. Juliet takes him to school.
Dear present/future Governors of Anambra, do not try this Ortom type of 'empowerment'. A whole separate thread on meaning of "Empowerment"!
— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
1/5. EMPOWERMENT
<noun>
Authority/power given to someone to be someone or to do something greater than they would have ordinarily been/done.— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
2/5. EMPOWERMENT
<noun>
The process of becoming stronger and more confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights.— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
3/5. EMPOWERMENT
<noun>
Measures designed to increase the degree of autonomy and self-determination in people and in communities in order…— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
4/5. ..In order to enable them represent their interests in a Responsible & Self-determined-SUSTAINABLE way, acting on their own authority.
— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
5/5. "EMPOWERMENT" challenges our assumptions about the way things are/can be. It challenges our basic assumptions about power and helping"
— Whole Women Network Co-op (@wwncoop) May 18, 2017
Everyone is blinded by tribalism and hatred. They still can't see that our common enemy is Corruption. These guys keep stealing our future.
— Ene (@MiszEne) May 18, 2017
4. Kayode
But in case you’re not convinced Ortom and other politicians are doing their best, perhaps this will convince you:
Artist:Kay-D
Track: Devil’s Advocate
The life of a politician is actually rather tough. Just because most Nigerian politicians are selfish etc., doesn't mean their life is easy.
— Kayode (@kayodea) May 18, 2017
To be and to remain a successful politician, you have to do some really inconvenient things that a regular Joe Bloggs wouldn't.
— Kayode (@kayodea) May 18, 2017
It's a choice. 🤷🏾♂️
— Kayode (@kayodea) May 18, 2017
My bad. I really meant the average me or you…
— Kayode (@kayodea) May 18, 2017
Clapback
The life of a drug dealer is actually rather tough. Just because most Nigerian drug dealers are criminals etc, doesn't make their life easy https://t.co/C1IJdqNvS6
— S. (@saratu) May 18, 2017
Is this where we say touche?
5. Ogbeni Dipo
Meanwhile, we are all wondering what the back and forth with taking presidential decisions is all about.
“Buhari will vet the budget and pass onto Osinbajo”- Lai
“I will pass the budget after I’m satisfied”- Osinbajo
Twitter NG is curious about these things
Confusion as Enang opposes Akande, says ‘Mr President’ will sign 2017 budget | TheCable https://t.co/MrRavwDICo #Budget2017 pic.twitter.com/nawBJECvVX
— TheCable (@thecableng) May 18, 2017
https://twitter.com/OgbeniDipo/status/865220043658932224
https://twitter.com/OgbeniDipo/status/865221784219660289
https://twitter.com/OgbeniDipo/status/865222311770820608
https://twitter.com/OgbeniDipo/status/865223576265338880
Buhari will have to give power up someday before 2019, either because of severe health setbacks or death…it's a matter of time really
— Tonte (@tontebriggs) May 18, 2017
6. Six Brown Chicks
We’ve got to move away from politics before we burst an artery:
Q1. I ask wife for sex, she's not in the mood. But she has toys hidden under the bed. What's up with her? What to do? #SBCCHAT
— SixBrownChicks (@SixBrownChicks) May 17, 2017
Q2. Part 1 of2 I was tired of the long-distance relationship, so I decided to go all in. First of all, it took him 2 days to #SBCCHAT
— SixBrownChicks (@SixBrownChicks) May 17, 2017
Q3 I CAUGHT him leaving his ex's house. Confronted him. He said he set it up to see if I was stalking him. He won't text me. Help #SBCCHAT
— SixBrownChicks (@SixBrownChicks) May 17, 2017
Clapback
"Glad You're Asking For Help. Now, Brain Transplants Are Decades In The Future, At Least. But Until Then, Let's Work On Your Self-Esteem." https://t.co/Sb5Sg5D3fM
— Harry Allen (@harryallen) May 18, 2017
Darn. And we thought we were safe in these waters. We need a break.
********Commercial break*******
You need a knife so you can–
Me: pic.twitter.com/hDFv7tbAeO
— Haitian Beauties Global (@HaitianBeauties) May 17, 2017
*******************
7. Mallam Batarhe
Good news! Good news!
My boss until March this year just became a mum for the first time. 20 years after. Dedication is full turn up at Orchid 🙂
— Mallam Battycash (@Batarhe) May 18, 2017
Loud it.
