Every day on the Nigerian Internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.

Here are the ones we saw today:

The meat pie I just bought now … I wish I could go back to the shop and stone that person who made it

— ζωή σε ροζ (@pineappledrama) April 12, 2019

If you commit murder, you go to prison.

That “Twitter for iPhone” won’t guarantee you a place in heaven.

— A Y O ?? (@hay_whye) April 12, 2019

Your inferior complex is showing, bro.

Anyone ask you, “are you a Christian or Muslim?” particularly in Nigeria.

The most appropriate response should be …..

“Fcuk you, and mind your business!”

The most dangerous, are those who use religion as cover!

Be a good person! Don’t let hypocrites harass you!

— Kayode Ogundamisi (@ogundamisi) April 12, 2019

What’s with the exclamation mark!

Opening an IG account for your child makes sense if you’re trying to build a photo album for her to see in future. But all the “I love my mummy” “my mummy is great” captions to yourself for yourself by yourself is a form of mental illness.

— Aunty Sidi (@Aunty_Les) April 12, 2019

Aunty Sidirat, is it your business?

Assange beamed the light in the dark corners of democratic societies.He unveiled what is behind the facade of freedom.His case sums up the limitations of the claims of liberty when it comes under extreme scrutiny.

— Senator Shehu Sani (@ShehuSani) April 12, 2019

Humanity’s greatest disease is the unending desire by people to prove that they are better than other people.

— Chude Jideonwo (@Chude) April 12, 2019

The question that still bugs me here is, what IF Kadaria Ahmed has truly left Islam? What would’ve happened to her, or have been our position on this threat at her for merely exercising her fundamental human rights?

This question is bigger than Kadaria, it’s about our democracy.

— Gimba Kakanda (@gimbakakanda) April 12, 2019

Preach Gimba, PREACH.

On random days like this when my son throws a full blown tantrum when I’m leaving him for work, I suffer from intense guilt and worry that I should be even more hands on than I am/ give him more of my time. I know he’s fine but I cant hellllpppp it.

— Ozzy Etomi (@ozzyetomi) April 12, 2019

Awwn, awwwwn, awwwn.