Up NEPA! and some hot gist – in today’s news round-up by Cheta Nwanze

Life, that thing which all of us possess, and can be snuffed out in an instant as has become a Sunday-Sunday ritual in parts of the country north of the River Niger.

A few minutes before I settled down to type this morning tonic, my neighbour’s generator choked, spluttered, coughed, and then gave up the ghost. The poor generator died from overuse. Simply put, the light situation, which was vastly improved back in those days when a certain Prof sat atop the Power Ministry, has slid from bad to worse to worst, most noticably since Prof was shuffled out. Not that it matters much, but 3,716MW have been shunted off the nation’s power supply in recent weeks.

Well, as such stories go, e go better. At least that is what the top dogs would have us believe, that things will improve once the magic wand PIB is passed. However, if the foreign oil companies have their evil way, this magic pill will never get passed, so prepare for ever longer queues at the petrol stations as more Nigerians take their gas guzzling jalopies and generators for the juice of life.

Life, that thing which all of us possess, and can be snuffed out in an instant as has become a Sunday-Sunday ritual in parts of the country north of the River Niger. Yesterday, some “unknown gunmen” ended the lives of at least 10 people in Borno state. As of this morning, the speech writers at the Rock have yet to find their phrase books, so we have not heard the usual platitudes, “the perpetrators of this dastardly act…”

Unlike the eggheads at the Rock though, the brass in charge of the Armed Forces seem to still retain a sense of shame. As soon as a pair of suicide bombers made their way into Jaji, nominally one of Nigeria’s most secure environments, and did their business, a board of inquiry was set up (without an announcement), and the board has with immediate alacrity, concluded its inquiry. In yet another example of lessons that can be learned from the Soja boys, the two berets that were in charge at the time of the embarrassing breach have been removed and replaced. Expect a court martial in the next few days. Now how is that for military discipline? No talk of another board of inquiry to look into the report of the first board of inquiry…

 

Bits and bobs

Oyo state’s number one buba ati iro danced to the altar over the weekend to thank the Lord for shaming her enemies. Remember that it was reported a few weeks back that she was picked up in London by the Met. Expect more dancing when the judge in the ensuing libel case grants herself and hubby the billion Nairas they are asking from PM News to add to this month’s security vote.

For those of you who love a good drama (roll over Tinsel), you can follow the ongoing saga of Dim Ikemba’s Will. Fresh from rejecting the contents of the Will which granted almost everything to his step mother (who happens to be younger than him), Debe Ojukwu has revealed that his prolific daddy mentioned his dalliance to him, a dalliance which resulted in a pikin. But the sweet gist in the story is this: de mama of de pikin na northerner! Ewo! 

Moral of the story: It doesn’t matter if her people are killing your people, as long as she’s a fine girl, and you are a functioning male, you can occupy her.

 

When the Malian under 17 coach read the fixture list and realised that he was playing Nigeria, he decided to borrow a leaf from our book and make use of over-aged players. At least that’s what the NFF would have us believe, despite the fact that our “spring chickens” comfortably roasted Mali’s young, over-aged, Eagles home and away.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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