Isoken Aruede: How are you fine, you ugly liar? [NEXT]

by Isoken Aruede

“How’s it going?”

“Good.”

“What’s up?”

“Nothing much”

“How are you?”

“Fine”

I might be crazy, but these robotic ‘pleasantries’ make me feel like viciously operating on someone with a toothpick.

Uggh!! Make it stop please!

Since I was a little kid, I was taught like every normal little kid to reply these conventional questions in the same way.

Some would even take the ‘fine’ moment away from you by asking,

“How’s mum? Is she fine?”

Then all you’d have to do would be to say yes, or just nod. Then they’d smile and say “That’s nice”.

Kill me.

I was only five when I got asked that question one day and I replied saying “She’s not fine”. Truthfully, my mum was quite ill that time and even though I was young, I wasn’t too dumb to not clearly see that she wasn’t ‘fine’. Everyone in the place just started laughing in a listen-to-what-this-silly-kid-just-said type of way. I didn’t understand the reason for their laughter at the time, but when it all stopped, I understood something even more scary: None of them actually cared about the well-being of my mum!

I got that they didn’t ask that question because they cared; what I didn’t understand was why they asked if they didn’t care. I was five, so I just took it that these people were bored time-wasters with tiny minds and tinier pockets.

As I got older and experienced more of the world, these greetings became slightly unbearable for me. Naturally, I genuinely care about the people I’m surrounded by, so whenever I’d ask a how are you, it would never be passively.

But it would pinch me on the inside when someone I’d ask would briefly reply with a fine, then smile, and end it at that.

I realized it wasn’t their fault. How would they have known that someone actually cares about them when there’re so many can’t-be-bothered people around? Sometimes, people would actually ask how I’m doing, and then flee long before I can even mentally assemble my current state. Some won’t even wait for the “I’m fine”. They just don’t care!

So why ask?

I guess it has simply become a thing of courtesy with the world today. However, I believe these indifferent how-are-yous and secretive I’m-fines are all deeply rooted behind the negativities our society faces.

If you ask someone how they are doing, are you truly interested in listening to how they’ve actually been having relationship problems, religious uncertainties, family difficulties, and financial issues? Chances are you just want to move on and hear the ‘I’m fine’ cliché.

Does that make you a bad person?

Actually, it’s nothing to be ashamed of really. People don’t have to crave a deeper sense of understanding for everyone they want to simply greet in a friendly way.

But it’s simple; why can’t we just stick to hi and hello?

The dictionary defines ‘hi’ as a term used as a friendly greeting – and good morning expresses good wishes on meeting someone during the morning.

So whenever some Scrooge asks you “What is good about the morning?” You can sweetly reply saying, “your morning might not be going smoothly, but I’ve wished it good for you. If my wishes don’t come true, E ma binu sa!”

Better yet, you can simply wave and smile if you really want to acknowledge someone while passing by.

Let your how-are-yous be genuine conversation starters and not passive nothings. Mean them.

Last week, I met a girl with a vibrating head and dizzy-looking eyes. She looked like shit! But clearly struggling to look…fine.

So I approached her, trying not to look too intrusive, and I asked “Hey, how are you?”

Her response made me want to cut off her nails with a spoon:

“I’m fine.”

In my head I was like, ‘You clearly don’t look fine and I’m really concerned and I really want to help you in any way I can because I genuinely care about you so please tell me what’s wrong so we can solve this problem together!’

But it was hopeless; I wasn’t going to get anything out of her.

So out loud I just said, “Oh okay. That’s cool. Have a nice day.’

Our society will not smell like beans. Not under my watch!

So next time you ask me how I am, be prepared for a voluminous update – hey, you asked for it.

And if I take my precious time to care enough to ask you how you’re doing, and you passively reply with an ‘I’m fine’…

Just know that you suck.

You suck BIG time.


Isoken is an undergraduate of the Pan-Atlantic University; currently studying for a degree in Media & Communication. She has always been interested in creative writing and from the age of 6, and has written a vast number of poems, public speeches, newspaper articles, and short stories. She won the 2013 National Essay Competition organised by the YSCC (Youth Support Counseling Consult) along with the opportunity to tour the U.K upon her victory.

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