No one talks about the pressure young Nigerians face as the first in their families to leave the country. In this interview, we have spoken with three people who made the daring decision to leave everything and everyone they’ve ever known behind in search of greener pastures.
Has life been fair to them since they made the move? What did they sacrifice, and was it worth it? What pushed them to pack their bags and japa? Find out below.
- Interviewer: What made you decide to leave Nigeria and go abroad?
Michael: Honestly, my reasoning was mostly motivated by the need to, before anything else, intellectually better myself. I have big dreams and hopes for myself. There are doors I would like to open that I know, and knew back then, that being in Nigeria would rob me of the chance to even be in the running to open them. I am not going to virtue signal and say that “the country was bad, the government is terrible, blah blah.” I was just hungry for knowledge, and when the opportunity presented itself, I was ready to take it.
Aaliyah: I decided to leave Nigeria because I wanted to study my master’s, and I knew I wanted to do it in a university with higher educational standards and more global standing, and I couldn’t really find that in Nigeria. That was what started the idea of leaving Nigeria.
Dare: Greener pastures. I needed to find something better than what I was already doing.
- Interviewer: What sacrifices did you and your family have to make for you to get there?
Michael: My mom is always so quick to sell all her belongings when it comes to her children. Honestly, sometimes, it’s almost comical. She loves to do it, to know she’s providing for her children with all her might, so, of course, she sold some of her gold. I had a remote job, so I had a lot of money saved myself. My father did what he could, too. Now, as the first son, I’ve been conditioned (yes) to be responsible for myself, so I did most of the heavy lifting. We all did what we could, and it honestly wasn’t as stressful as it could have been because I had a lot of money saved.
Aaliyah: Wow, a lot financially, specifically, but also like emotionally, mentally—God, there are such mental and emotional sacrifices that are not spoken enough about. There’s a lot of savings that go into it; there’s a lot of foregoing love and borrowing money. Then there’s the emotional aspect of being prepared to not be a member of the family because while I’m still a member of my family, I’m not actually there, and that is a huge sacrifice. My family was there for me, supporting me, finding the money, and giving up things for themselves because of me.
Dare: A lot of sacrifices had to be made, especially financially, and they had to trust that their only son would survive the harsh conditions he would face over there.
- Interviewer: Were there moments you almost gave up on the idea? What kept you going?
Michael: Hahaha, it never crossed my mind. My parents are not…rich. They are very, very, very far from it. Also, I think the fact that my degree was fully funded made it relatively easier for me, so all I had to pay for was my visa, my ticket, a security deposit on housing, and a first month’s rent. All these were around $4k, and knowing that I would be getting a monthly stipend from my university made it easy for me to “invest” all the money I had saved. My focus was singular, and I’m thankful that it was an easier path for me.
Aaliyah: Yeah. The first time that I actually tried applying to a different country and I got in, I didn’t get the scholarship, and that was the point where I was gonna be like, “I’m actually giving up; I don’t wanna do this anymore,” but my entire family rallied around me and was like, “This is something you really want; do not allow yourself to give up on this idea because of this.” So I revamped and started again and at some point, I’d even moved on, thinking, ‘this is not gonna be for me; this is actually not gonna work out.’ But it did work out, and there were, like, other phases that I had to work through, but having the support of my family and friends and remembering the reason why I started this in the first place was why I kept going on.
Dare: There was no single moment I gave up on that idea, it’s either I leave the country, or I leave the country. What kept me going? ” POVERTY SAT ME DOWN ONE AFTERNOON AND TOLD ME, YOU, I WILL KEE YOU.”
- Interviewer: How do you keep your culture and language alive while living in a different country?
Michael: While playing football (these people call it soccer, by the way, can you imagine???) on Friday, I was talking to someone on the opposition team who is originally from Egypt. He told me he’s more American, and I told him that will never be me. I spent most of my formative years in Nigeria, so there’ll always be that. Also, I cook almost everything I eat. What they call “food” here is terrible. The fast food places smell like grease, so there’s a disconnection there for me already. I also talk to my friends in Nigeria often. I talk to my best friend from my undergrad every single day. I don’t feel any disconnection from my language and culture, and my stomach doesn’t either.
Aaliyah: I don’t know so much about culture. With language, I just try to speak as much as I can with friends and family when I call on the phone, you know, in places where people are gathered that I would understand that language, I try to incorporate as much as I can. With culture, I don’t know; that’s a bit rough, it’s a bit trickier. So, like, I would cook my native meals as often as I could; I would try to go to events where I know that a lot of Nigerian people would be. I would sometimes wear fabrics that are like Nigerian (Yoruba, specifically). You just do the little things you can do, I guess, to keep your life moving because you will get very homesick. Even for things that you might think that you were sick of when you were in Nigeria. When they’re stripped away from you, you suddenly realise that you actually really want and need these things because they’re a familiar comfort; they’re home, so you just sort of find a way to incorporate them into your life.
Dare: Most of what we call culture from my country is greatly influenced by limited knowledge, harsh conditions, and just ego from older generations. The important rooted cultures will not struggle to be kept alive; the irrational ones will eventually fade out when you are introduced to a better way of doing things.
- Interviewer: Overall, what has been the hardest part of being the first in your family to go abroad—and what has been the most rewarding?
Michael: The hardest part, I would say, is letting people understand that going abroad is not a get-rich-quick scheme. Good lord! But also, the distance. I miss my mother a lot. I am looking forward to holding her very soon. The most rewarding thing, I would say, is knowing that you are gathering tools to potentially give your family the life they deserve. Will it take time? Yes. Will it be worth it at the end of the day? Absolutely. Knowing you’re doing this for yourself and, by extension, your family is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Aaliyah: I think leaving my sister behind has been the hardest part for me because she’s three years younger than me, and I’ve always been close enough to watch her grow, I guess, and we’ve both been able to watch each other grow. Now, she’s growing without me, and I’m growing without her. That really hurts, and it hurts even more knowing that now I have a niece. We have a niece, right? And I just know now she’s not here to watch my niece grow; I just feel that much ache in my heart for my sister. That has been the hardest part for me—leaving my sister behind. The most rewarding has been, I think, seeing how my life can be easier in places with more structure because being neurodivergent in Nigeria, without even knowing that you’re neurodivergent or not accepting it. You don’t even realise how hard life is because you think everyone is that way, and you’re just suffering. And is it still hard here? A hundred per cent, but it’s hard with more meaning and more structure.
Dare: The hardest part would be the loneliness. If you get sick, you need to take yourself to the hospital, treat yourself, and feed yourself. Like, your life is in your hands; whether you exercise well or not depends on you—how you look, how you feel—it depends on you. So my advice, if you can afford it, is to get a good life, register in a gym, buy Netflix or Prime, organise a routine hangout with your friends, have a game night, whatever, and get used to loving yourself so much you can never be bored with yourself.
Interviewer: Overall, what has been the hardest part of being the first in your family to go abroad—and what has been the most rewarding?
Michael: The hardest part, I would say, is letting people understand that going abroad is not a get-rich-quick scheme. Good lord! But also, the distance. I miss my mother a lot. I am looking forward to holding her very soon. The most rewarding thing, I would say, is knowing that you are gathering tools to potentially give your family the life they deserve. Will it take time? Yes. Will it be worth it at the end of the day? Absolutely. Knowing you’re doing this for yourself, and as an extension, your family, is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Aaliyah: I think leaving my sister behind has been the hardest part for me because she’s three years younger than me, and I’ve always been close enough to watch her grow, I guess, and we’ve both been able to watch each other grow. Now, she’s growing without me, and I’m growing without her. That really hurts, and it hurts even more knowing that now I have a niece. We have a niece, right? And I just know now she’s not here to watch my niece grow; I just feel that much ache in my heart for my sister. That has been the hardest part for me—leaving my sister behind. The most rewarding has been, I think, seeing how my life can be easier in places with more structure because being neurodivergent in Nigeria, without even knowing that you’re neurodivergent or not accepting it. You don’t even realise how hard life is because you think everyone is that way, and you’re just suffering. And is it still hard here? A hundred per cent, but it’s hard with more meaning and more structure.
Dare: The hardest part would be the loneliness. If you get sick, you need to take yourself to the hospital, treat yourself, and feed yourself. Like, your life is in your hands; whether you exercise well or not depends on you—how you look, how you feel—it depends on you. So my advice, if you can afford it, is to get a good life, register in a gym, buy Netflix or Prime, organise a routine hangout with your friends, have a game night, whatever, and get used to loving yourself so much you can never be bored with yourself.
