This shouldn't be a debate when we knw every man just wan to off paynt #CanMenSayNoToSex pic.twitter.com/oEDG81Dqpe

— Sweet Natel (@Natelbaebi) February 2, 2022

If the above tweet is the general response to #CanMenSayNoToSex, then there’s a fundamental problem we have been avoiding to discuss. Before we talk about that…

Some time ago, the conversation ran about on social media on what consent really means. It was a discussion that went through banter, Twitter threads, and feature stories and not many went home informed. Many participants in the discussion argued that marriage and pre-marriage relationship is consent enough.

We all went home thinking we had solved the problem of forced sexual relations to a certain extent.

Saying no to sex is as simple as…just saying no. It is not as simple as ABC, but it is as simple as realising that sex requires consent.

Saying “no” to sex can be hard, especially if you haven’t thought about how to say it before you need to. Besides, many men grow up thinking sex is the ultimate reason for a relationship, and feel entitled to it many times.

It is no news that many men only have sex on their mind, and are ever willing to do the bidding of the vibrating junior. Men hardly know that an erection may not be the sexual organ asking to be fed.

For many men, sexual abstinence is not a happy choice; at most, it can only be a compulsion brought on by stress, sickness, and personal volition.

Men like to get it up, get on with it, and get done with it till the oats are ready and itching to be sown again. Which is to say, soon after.

It gets worse when the man thinks he should have access to it because he’s in some sort of relationship. This is when forced sexual relations happen, out of it comes rape.

There are arguments that there are men who take a sabbatical from sex, and no, this has nothing to do with any physiological reasons. It is these men that think sex is a stress level booster.

The most common conversation among men is that there’s a pipe created to satisfy sexual urges, so why should it be caged when there are opportunities to get over it. This inspires conversation, at bear parlours, on sexual prowess including time spent, length, and number of rounds per session.

This disposition usually leaves out the intending sexual partner out of the mix, who may or not be ready to say no in order not to hurt the feelings of the male partner. It is called manipulation, and rightly so, knowing that consent also involves pre-activity talk.

The main problem here is that men think sex is a fundamental human right, and always want to satisfy urges without thinking about it.

Upturning this behaviour requires effective family systems, where the parents take their wards on sexual behaviour from their pre-teen years, and men themselves shed the entitlement behaviour when they become adults.

Sex is a happy time activity, let’s all enjoy it not abuse it. “Too much of anything is bad omen.”