by Guest Contributor

Have you ever felt rejected when a friend or loved one didn’t call you back, canceled plans on you, or dismissed your ideas?

Maybe you accused them of being rude and uncaring.

And in response, they told you that you’re too critical, never satisfied or always complaining about something.

If this is a chronic problem for you, there could be a good reason why…

It happens because we tend to demand from others what we are most unwilling to give ourselves. We seek love, respect, and acceptance from others and feel disappointed when they do not provide the kind we want.

When we seek love without giving it to ourselves first, we will never be satisfied with what we get.

We’ll wonder if our partner really loves us, constantly looking for signs they’re losing interest, even if we are married and even if they regularly tell us, “I love you.”

Even when they buy us flowers or expensive gifts, we’ll think they’re doing it because they “have to” or we’ll become suspicious they’re cheating. We’ll wonder what they want from us instead of just taking it at face value.

No matter how the love we get is expressed – whether by diamonds or passionate declarations – if it is not matched by our own regard for ourselves it will ultimately make matters worse.

We doubt, nitpick, and ignore our partner’s attempts to show us love.

We feel misunderstood and not good enough – not at work and not in relationships – no matter how many friends we have and how many promotions we get.

I have seen people go to the ends of the earth and to endless specialists seeking a cure for their lack of self-love, whether they’re married or single.

They build dream houses, they go on cruises, they consult psychics, and they join crusades – all to get away from the gnawing emptiness inside, the place that can be filled only by learning to love yourself.

Loving yourself isn’t about being conceited. It’s about accepting yourself and your feelings and not needing to look to outside sources to feel like you’re worthy of love and consideration.

When you love yourself, you make room for love in your life, rather than always searching for ways to get it from others. That’s why I recommend learning to love yourself before trying to “fix” someone or something that’s troubling you.

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