Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social matters, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous. We make it our job to take down the names of these noisemakers.
Here’s our list from today:
1 Pastor Sam Adeyemi
Happy new month, everyone. We like to kick up things every new month with blessings, so let Pastor Sam Adeyemi, Senior Pastor of Daystar Christian Centre, speak over your life.
Welcome to the month of November. It will be a rewarding month for you. Things will fall in place for you and you will not be stranded.
— Sam Adeyemi (@sam_adeyemi) November 1, 2017
And the people of God shall say, Amin.
PS: Excellence in Leadership Conference begins tomorrow. Be sure to attend. You’ll understand why as we proceed.
2. Lady B
You’d think Nigerians would be full of joy seeing as it’s the first day of a new month. Nah, the TL’s been swamped with complaints. Lady B leads with a directive to banks:
Dear Banks,
We need more ATMs in Port Harcourt! These long queues are tiring.
— Lady B. 🇲🇲 (@KBUdeogu) November 1, 2017
Reactions:
https://twitter.com/WitWinnie/status/925646400376983552
Hi, how about more retailers using POS or accepting transfers instead of cash! Cash management is expensive!
— Opey Akinlolu🚶🏿 (@Opey13) November 1, 2017
Thank you
— Lady B. 🇲🇲 (@KBUdeogu) November 1, 2017
Or at least get the ones we have to always dispense
— Fine boy of PH (@giensaye) November 1, 2017
Emphasis, 'Functioning Atms'. Thank you, Banks.
— Dr Mary Ajayi (@tori_doctor) November 1, 2017
3. Tunde Aluko
Mr Aluko takes his complaint to Spectranet. What is going on with the epileptic network service these days, guys?
https://twitter.com/tundealuko/status/925788291307311106
Reactions:
https://twitter.com/Clarenceonyeks/status/925789663952101376
7:35pm Yes I'm connected. It was poor in the afternoon though
— Olu Richie (@Baderinwwa) November 1, 2017
Spectranet, you gotta remember, you snooze you lose- to Ntel. ?
4. Miss Edoho
Miss Edoho is just tired of bills, bills, bills.
https://twitter.com/MissEdoho/status/925731355442397184
Girrrrllll!!!! 😩😩 pic.twitter.com/egv3gpwHn8
— Chinaza Nduka-Dike (@NazaMNEK) November 1, 2017
https://twitter.com/T_HoMegas/status/925731774910599168
Ooooh, Mr Melancholic to the rescue.
5. Oladapo
University Lecturer and public commentator told this story that is not just touching- it’s thoroughly depressing.
It got Oby Ezekwesili and other folks discussing the dire situation:
.@OladapoAwobeku This! "Your people are crazy about football. Do they need the law to make them obsessed about football?" @pius_adesanmi Kai https://t.co/Vlyn19ywUd
— Oby Ezekwesili (@obyezeks) November 1, 2017
2 weeks ago,I witnessed people 'swimming' out of a bank (the flood reached their waist) despite having a huge gutter just in front…
— Dapo Awobeku (@DapoAwobeku) November 1, 2017
of the Bank. Sadly the gutter had been blocked with refuse & there was no channel for the flood.
We must do better as Nigerians!#TrashHater— Dapo Awobeku (@DapoAwobeku) November 1, 2017
There is a spirit of "anyhowness" in Nigeria. It is linked to every bad thing that plagues us as a people.
— Ayobami Oladejo (@ayooladejo) November 1, 2017
Yes I will continue doing my part and influence others. But as a collective, we have a deep value and moral issue that must be addressed.
— Ayobami Oladejo (@ayooladejo) November 1, 2017
Hmmm I am not sure we can solve d dirt issue in isolation. There is a deep systemic issue beyond dirt. But making a difference is great.
— Ayobami Oladejo (@ayooladejo) November 1, 2017
6. @manwhohasitall
Women teach men a lesson on objectification by turning the tables on them. Here’s how ridiculous you sound when you point to a woman’s physical features or dressing as justification for assault.
"Men want me to stop treating them like objects and yet they grow beards? It makes no sense. They can't have it both ways." Safia, CEO
— manwhohasitall (@manwhohasitall) November 1, 2017
Reactions:
I see nothing wrong with Safia's statement. If you don't want attention, why grow a beard in the first place? Ugh, men are so manipulative.
— Hayley Williams enthusiast (@Tw1tterp8edXO) November 1, 2017
Take dressing!
7. Rachael Klein
Flowing from the above, does anyone know why society makes this so?
https://twitter.com/racheleklein/status/925550605959073794
https://twitter.com/racheleklein/status/925555442859888640
Corresponding Women's ages:
1-17: "She looked older."
18-35: "She was asking for it."
Over 35: "She should be flattered."— Katie Olson (@improbablekate) November 1, 2017
https://twitter.com/racheleklein/status/925753103890173952
8. Sam Hart
Media aide to Gov Ikpezu has a query for the English Language:
Umunna, biko what is Omugwo in English?
— Sam Hart, mni (@hartng) November 1, 2017
Twitter tries to help out:
Post natal care.
— Ikenna Nzimora (@ronaldnzimora) November 1, 2017
Post natal caregiver.
— Kelv (@ko_igwe) November 1, 2017
Baby-Sitting? https://t.co/ome4RDFyYK
— U. F. O. (@FrankZephyr1) November 1, 2017
Grannannying https://t.co/HH6RLdtziY
— iˡᶤᶬᶤᵗᵉᵈᵉᵈᶤᵗᶤᵒᶰ® (@Lady_Deelicious) November 1, 2017
There isn't an equivalent because it's not in English culture. You'd have to describe it. https://t.co/1p0LOdvlbv
— T. Rânkïn' (@AfroVII) November 1, 2017
English has no one word to capture the essence of the word.
Omugwo is a movement. https://t.co/OqIocP7CZ4
— Ulari (@humzeey) November 1, 2017
https://twitter.com/obili_/status/925789768381816832
Because we are all mad in this country:
https://twitter.com/pam_E_chic/status/925454927517929473
Tuddles!
