[The Sexuality Blog]: Yul Edochie, Skuki, Leslie Okoye; all of you, please stop talking

Nigerian celebrities seem determined to expose just how back, unintelligent and misogynist they truly are this month. So much so, that one actual actor and two celebrity adjacent persons, all from different creative backgrounds decided to offer their unsolicited opinions on marriages, domestic unions and domestic violence.

In response to the unravelling of Mercy Aigbe’s marriage to her husband, Yul Edochie took to Instagram (why do they always go to Instagram to spout their ignorant opinions) to explain to us how his father veteran actor Pete Edochie, and his mother have managed to remain married for all these years.

My take on domestic violence

A post shared by Yul Edochie (@yuledochie) on May 31, 2017 at 1:51am PDT

My take on domestic violence continued

A post shared by Yul Edochie (@yuledochie) on May 31, 2017 at 2:15am PDT

Thankfully he was swiftly gathered and scalped by the men and women who follow his account. But let me reiterate. Pete Edochie’s marriage in a time when women barely had any rights and few opportunities for self or career advancement is not a model for every marriage, or any marriage really, other than theirs. It is incredibly ignorant for Yul Edochie to suggest otherwise. Not to mention that his statement suggests that women’s emotions must always be prioritised after the emotions of men, and that will never result in a healthy marriage, especially when domestic violence is involved.

It’s not by force to speak on domestic violence, Yul. Nobody asked you, act your film, and go to your own marriage.

But as if that wasn’t enough, one-half of singing duo Skuki, Peeshaun who hasn’t finished commodifying women to sell his music videos and then turning around to sell them ‘relationship tips’ decided he needed to insert his unsolicited opinions on domestic violence; resulting in this load of tripe. I won’t deign his advice with a feature on this blog. Other than to ask that he see above.

But what really takes the cake is owner of ‘luxury’ beauty line Leslie Okoye, also known for marrying into the influential Okoye family (not Psquare, the other Okoye family)¬†unsolicited advice column, which after multi-platform, social media backlash, she deleted. But the internet never forgets and there are always screenshots.

It is the ‘well meaning’ women with good intentions that always create the worst damage to the psyches of young girls and perpetuate patriarchal systems. Leslie Okoye is a prime example of that. Like many Nigerian women, she feels marriage confers her some kind of status, elevating her over single women. Everything she says drips of that condescension. It is why she can suggest that women either live subdued lives in their early twenties so they can remain ‘chaste’ for men who are trying to sleep with everything with a skirt and a pulse, or at least pretend to not live if they can’t abstain.

She is reinforcing the double standard young women are forced to live with and shaming women over thirty for being happy with their lives simply because they are not married. You would think that with the rash of divorces happening, she’d instead look inward and keep her eyes on her marriage before trying to shame others. You could also expect pigs to fly.

Leslie Okoye, please if you aren’t not going to uplift other women, or not shame their personal decisions, then please, please shut up. We were quite fine without hearing what you had to say, and now that you’ve offered it without invitation, we ask you again, officially to please keep it to yourself.

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