A practising therapist’s advice once taught me to never frame a piece of advice received from a therapist as “my therapist taught/told me” but to instead frame it as “I learnt in therapy that …” I don’t know why, but I have heeded that advice since and approached this piece with that as the watchword.

We asked 3 Nigerians who have been in therapy before to share some of the ideas – big and small, they learnt in therapy that changed their lives.

This is in no way a substitute for seeking help when you feel you need it. Help is only a dial away with www.JoyInc.xyz X OlanmaCares Foundation mental and emotional health helpline – 0-700-THE-JOYHUB.

Name your emotions.

Adaeze* (29, F)

“When I was first challenged to ‘name the emotion’ I was keeling under it was I think in my 3rd session. I had been crying while talking about a relationship dynamic that hurt so terribly and I couldn’t say why. I did this eye roll thing in my mind because it sounded silly. I was hurt, that’s the emotion. Next, please.

“But afterwards, and the patience with which I was guided helped me to not cynically dismiss it, I found it incredibly helpful. I was hurt yes, and the hurt was the sting of betrayal. The emotion was grief, at the loss of trust I had for this person – my mother.

“I still have a lot I am working on but that lesson sometimes helps me through both the mundane and extraordinary life situations. Like I can be facing a work-related bottleneck and stop to ask myself what is the emotion driving my frantic desire to sort this out now and not say 5 minutes later. 9 out of 10 times I find the situation does not warrant the tension I brought into it with my baseless fear-driven anxiety.”

Channel your inner critic.

Lekan* (24, M)

“I had listened to all manner of self-help speeches by the time I finally resorted to therapy, so by the time I resorted to therapy I was jaded and unmoved by mantras. Then therapy turned a piece of common self-help advice on its head, “Silence the inner critic,’ that’s the advice given to people struggling with impostor syndrome. I learnt in therapy to instead, “channel my inner critic.”

“When that critical inner voice says, “We can’t do this,” I am tasked to listen to that and respond with a smaller component of the larger task and say, “but we can do this.”

“That way, if I am having what I call a crippling depressive dip, I can drag myself out of bed to brush, eat a piece of fruit, write a sentence if I have to work on a 4-page report I am struggling to begin. Small things, but they stack up and form into a kind of stretched out branch that brings you out of the murk or just keeps you above water till better help comes.”

Take a break at any moment. 

Dijah* (36, F)

“Take a break, at any moment. When I was first told that I resisted very vigorously. I wanted to shout back, “Have you seen my life?”

“I run a business that still hasn’t fully stabilised, taking a break at any moment is like setting the timer on for everything to fall apart. I learnt however that that is just a fear response to something very sensible. Your breaks are supposed to be commensurate with the situation.

“So now if I notice a meeting is going around in circles, I call for a tea break. If I notice the numbers I am trying to make sense of are looping into each other, I shut down till morning or go for a walk or to grab a snack at my favourite bakery down the street. If I see an argument heating up and not looking like it is reaching any resolution any time soon, I excuse myself sometimes by walking away midsentence. 

“It has been incredibly helpful because it has stopped me from burning bridges many times which was my modus operandi before I took reign of my anger management issues.”

*Names have been changed to maintain anonymity.

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