by Demola Rewaju
It is said that the most difficult thing for some men is to be sleeping with one woman everyday for the rest of their lives and these buttons in real life may do the trick. Imagine being able to copy the faces of different women each night and paste it on your wife’s face while committing the holy sin every single night.
The first buttons would be those ones that come up when you hover on the shutdown button in the start menu – Shutdown, Switch user, Log off, Lock, Restart, Sleep and Hibernate. Except you’re Dangote or Bill Gates, I can’t believe you don’t wish you could shutdown on everything sometimes or simply click restart and break out of the freeze mode life puts us into sometimes. Other times, one just wants to log off for a while as time passes – at a boring party you have to attend for instance. Hibernate is the one that would be cool in real life – bears actually do this. They eat food and go into a cave during the winter where they stay for several weeks without coming out or expending much energy. It would definitely be cool if one could just hibernate and return after a few weeks…maybe that’s what we humans call a vacation but not all of us can afford the vacation of our dreams…except one is Dangote or good old Billy.
Then there are the good old cut and past, copy and paste buttons – Ctrl X + Ctrl V or Ctrl C + Ctrl V. you see something someone else does or has and wanting it so bad, all you have to do is copy and paste it in your life or cut and paste it. life rarely works like that for us – people have to work quite hard to get the things they want. It would be nice if I could copy and paste some bodybuilding guy’s 6 pack tummy onto my body rather than having to do daily sit-ups and workouts to set in shape a stomach that seems hell bent on preventing me from wearing my favourite shirts. The ladies would probably like these buttons the most though: copy Genevieve’s face and paste on yours, cut Omotola’s behind and paste on yours then cut Cossy’s mammary glands and paste – perfect chic has arrived but the ladies never get satisfied. I’m sure they’d still go about life and find something to copy or cut and paste every single day.
It is said that the most difficult thing for some men is to be sleeping with one woman everyday for the rest of their lives and these buttons in real life may do the trick. Imagine being able to copy the faces of different women each night and paste it on your wife’s face while committing the holy sin every single night. You meet a fine chic during the day and you simply copy her face till you get home then paste it on madam’s face in bed and pretend you’re hitting the chic you met earlier on – it’s technical infidelity and you get to eat your cake and have it. if your wife would get angry with the thought, let’s confess then shall we? That 92% of men fantasise that they are in bed with another woman after the sixth month of steady sex with one particular woman. We all copy and paste in our minds I guess.
If you watch that programme “WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONARE”, I’m sure you heave a sigh of relief each time the contestants gets to those guaranteed levels where even if he fails the next set of questions, he can’t earn below some certain amount. What if life had those guaranteed levels? Sure, there are some stuff you have in life that can never be taken away from you anymore: like this blog for instance, even if I stopped blogging for some reason today, you can’t take away all the posts I’ve put up…except you can. So let’s imagine life had the ‘Ctrl S’ button to save your progress and put you on a guaranteed level. The problem is that people would become reckless knowing they can never fall below a certain level again and the risk factor that some of us are addicted to would be lost. The joy of life is to win everything in one single toss yet be willing to play again, stake everything just to experience the joy of winning once again.
The last button is one that I personally would like: ‘Ctrl Z’ for ‘undo’. That button is responsible for my immaculate record on Chess Titans – every time I blunder my queen and the computer snatches her away, I just press Ctrl Z and play again. The only time I lose is when I don’t press the buttons fast enough and even then, I still go back and undo the moves. The problem is that I’m not really improving my game and if I ever play with a human anytime soon, I’m not sure I’ll be able to beg him to let me reverse the game and play again.
If life had this button, we’d all use it every single time we make a mistake. I have a couple of things I would like to Ctrl Z into infinity. We all have that relationship that stains our emotional CV so badly or some one night stand that’s better forgotten than remembered in the company of godly people. Ctrl Z would fix all that but probably lead to more future indiscretion so that’s why we all need to have those mistakes in our past – a constant reminder of how not to be foolish ever again.
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