Last week, Nigerians stewed in misery while the Federal Government struggled to get its stories straight about the $1billion it withdrew from the Excess Crude Account (ECA) to fight Boko Haram. Niger Delta militants hated not being given priority by the Federal Government and started some sort of turf war. Osinbajo, on his part, stained his white by making promises we’re sure he cannot keep.
These and more feature in our roundup of top 10 quotes from last week.
1 Governor el Rufai
“For me, I know those that supported us with their money and property that we used during the election, and I never heard the name of Atiku that he brought a dime.
If Atiku said he brought money, who did he give it to? Let him come and say it and how much did he give and what was it used for?”
Wait a minute. Is Governor el Rufai APC’s Accountant General now or what? If the purpose of this dirt was to put a chink in Atiku’s public halo, errr, it falls flat, jor. Find a better accusation.
2. Buba Marwa
“The president’s victory in 2019 will be a huge landslide. In 2015, he beat a sitting president. In 2019, tell me, who will he be facing? His victory is a foregone conclusion.”
Well, that’s what Jonathan thought too. Nigerians showed him otherwise.
3. Abubakar Atiku
Gotta love the power of eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
“For now I have not made up my mind, when I decide, I will let the world know,”
That’s Atiku, the confusionist, telling us that running for presidency in 2019 is not certain — or maybe he read our memo and decided to stop putting all his cards on the table. We wager it’s the latter.
You can title this the Christmas jingle no one wanted to hear.
“I am deeply convinced that better days lie ahead for us as a nation as we make progress on all the major fronts where we have set our energies to surmount the challenges.”
Uncu, convince us by ending fuel scarcity once and for all. Forget Kwarruption, let this be your legacy and who knows, you just might return in 2019.
5. Yemi Osinbajo
Apparently, since the FG figured out that Osinabjo is better received by the general populace, they thought it best to have him explain the $1 billion to fight the “technically defeated” Boko Haram, which is not really for Boko Haram anymore. Gawd, it’s confusing.
“It was on account of the security summit that the governors at the Governors’ Forum subsequently decided that they would vote a certain sum of money, which has become somewhat controversial, the $1 billion, to assist the security architecture of the country.
It was to assist all of the issues in the states, including policing in the states, community policing, all of the different security challenges that we have.”
Ehn ehn. Did you cough and sputter when you read that? Did you notice a change in the length of your nose?
Anyway, can you take that again? It’s like Niger Delta militants are having trouble understanding. And you know what happens when they don’t understand.
“We are not too comfortable with the decision to part with $1bn now. That (kind of money) is supposed to support developments by state governments and local government areas.”
We are being owed almost N140bn for federal road projects. We have generated electricity and have sold it to the national grid, but we have not been paid for it.”
When we are discussing security, it’s not just one aspect. Let’s look at it in a holistic manner. What actually constitutes security threats to the whole country?”
Just one question, sir: where have you been all this while- waiting on Fayose or what?
“Petrol is scarce across the country because the Federal Government deliberately reduced supply, since it is only the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation that is importing the product.”
Trust Governor Fayose to weigh in on this irksome issue. We’d ask the Federal Government for comment, but we’re not interested in what they have to say. Just end fuel scarcity. Simples.
8. Innocent Chukwuma
“They arrested me like a criminal, I was putting on the pyjamas I woke up in and was taken to the airport in shorts and singlet,
I was surprised when the EFCC jumped into my compound very early in the morning. When I saw them, I thought they were kidnappers or armed robbers, only to notice that they were actually from the EFCC.
Immediately I saw them around 5:30a.m, I hid for over two hours until when the weather became a little bit clearer around 7:30am, when I was able to see that they were putting on police uniform. Suddenly, I began to hear gunshots and that was when I realised that many policemen had come into my compound, and that was when I came out of my hideout.”
“We want also to state clearly that no reasonable Imo man or woman can come out in protest against Governor Rochas Okorocha or his administration because he has done for them what they never knew could be done by a government in the state.
To borrow Oby Ezekwesili’s exact words, “talk about evidence-based dissonance”!
10. Nikki Haley, United States Ambassador to the United Nations
“The United States will remember this day in which it was singled out for attack in the General Assembly for the very act of exercising our right as a sovereign nation. We will remember it when we are called upon to once again make the world’s largest contribution to the United Nations. And we will remember it when so many countries come calling on us, as they so often do, to pay even more and to use our influence for their benefit.”