Every day on the Nigerian internet, there are people who keep our eyes glued to our phone screens as we read their funny rants, opinions, perspectives on political and social issues, etc. Sometimes, they are just downright ridiculous.

Here are the ones we saw today:

The relationship between fish & water makes me believe that betrayal is real, that moment I saw water participating in cooking the fish

— Nønçhålånt (@Piinkmaan) March 2, 2020

The last time I was someone’s type, I was donating blood ??

— ᴀɴᴜɪssᴀᴠᴀɢᴇ (@anuissavage) March 2, 2020

You sneeze around me this Corona Virus period and you’re expecting me to tell you ‘Bless you’?

Please, i cover myself with the blood of Jesus.

— Samuel Mbah (@__Mbah) March 2, 2020

Lagos is for the mad. This morning, we were on our normal trekking session to work. Everybody dey their route, no one way. 2secs, one boy ran shouting “Theif with gun!”.ahh! Everywhere burst.Only to find out they placed a bet. Now,my trouser don tear. Breeze dey blow my penis ?

— SUN? (@shank_comics) March 2, 2020

Android users will see your WhatsApp status even after you have deleted it. Big insult ?

— DREYLO. (@RealDreylo) March 2, 2020

How to avoid heat in Nigeria :

1 Wear loose clothes that are light
2 Drink plenty of water
3 Avoid over crowded places
4 Naked yourself when you’re at home
5 Don’t come to Nigeria.

— Engineer Tolu Tezzy_ ? (@tolutezzy_) March 2, 2020

Microwaving noodles is an occultic behavior that deserves prison time.

— Aba Boy ? (@Frank_LeanXV) March 2, 2020