Lagos is quite an interesting place to live, what with its non-stop activities and potential for money-making. However, for a newbie in town, it can be all kinds of frightening: traffic will make you wanna tear your hair out, you’re susceptible to all sorts of 419 scams that will leave you broke before you get to your destination; there’s the possibility of getting lost (Lagosians are terrible at giving directions) and Lagos drivers will play God with your life once or twice.

Lucky for you, there’s a guardian angel named Timere who’s interested in your survival in Lagos. So get the 411:

https://twitter.com/Nikiwinks/status/896302871637045249

https://twitter.com/Nikiwinks/status/896303495774707712

https://twitter.com/Nikiwinks/status/896310048573575169

Sadly, Timere’s thread doesn’t cover the half of it so these other skills will serve you well.

Work that language

Try and learn how to speak yoruba
Like the razz type of ghetto Yoruba
With a very husky bass voice

— Onny (@Ogbanje_) August 14, 2017

Baby magic

Get your street boy cred

Most important tip: When walking on a lonely road, walk like a mad man in a zig zag manner and nobody will stop you to rob you.

— Superstar Influencer (@LadiSpeaks) August 13, 2017

Never ever walk like a fool on the road, always bounce to show them u are not normal… Ladies with cute face bone ur face

— ?Crown Prince Lustwig (@Lord_of_Saarl) August 12, 2017

Please when you are in Ketu Alapere before you cross make sure you look at the road like 10 times and pray.

— Olu (@olutayomarcus) August 14, 2017

If you ask for permission to cross from a driver in a moving traffic biko cross on time if he accepts, Don't turn on your walking steps 101

— The Real Debola ? (@JustDebola) August 13, 2017

if you are a young man between 18 and 24 and police calls you from out of the blues just start walking fast it will save you 10k bail

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

If it’s not Nike, it’s Nika

when buying roadside shoes look closely for hidden NIKA ADIDOS and the likes don't cast unnececerily

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

before buying anything in lagos use Olx and jiji to get the items market price and use jumia to find the items "boutique" price.its Accurate

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

when budgeting to buy stuff in "Boutique" multiply the actual price by 1.4

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

Maga must pay

1) Unofficial fine system in lagos:-
underage driving- 2k
Driving w/o liscence- 1k5 2k
one way- 2k per staff
towing- beg 2k
Phoning-700 1k

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

2) Crossing highway-1k5
Insulting lastma/mopol- 5k
Beat traffic light-5k
typing while driving-5k
failed vehicle inspection- 3k per staff

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

3)police "thanks for coming"-5k flat
SARSs-One chance, No redemption
Prices are subect to fine face,month end and packaging
Don't be cheated

— keniee (@kennyOEz) August 22, 2017

The owners are coming

If you are in a danfo and u are near the window do not press your phone I repeat do not press your phone

— Timi Paul (@tiscolistic) August 28, 2017

Just incase u have to rush to get into a bus, check your pockets well before and after you get on the bus or keep your belongings wel

— The Real Debola ? (@JustDebola) August 13, 2017

Lol. Collect your change before giving street hawkers your money.

— bebo IGBEDION (@sirBeebo) August 14, 2017

Last last, shine your eye.